ParentTip: Don't Interview For Performance
Have you ever heard of “Interviewing for pain”? It’s when you ask your child a question that leads her to talk about the negative aspects of her day, e.g., “Was anyone mean to you today?”
I think there’s a corollary: “Interviewing for Performance.” It’s when you ask your daughter how she performed, instead of what she learned or how it felt. For ex: We ask, “Did you guys win?” instead of “How was the game?”
So, instead of asking about a grade or other marker of *performance*, throw in a question that asks her to consider other aspects — how she felt, why she did it, what she learned. This will help her remain connected to intrinsic motivation, the drive to do something because she wants to, and weaken her dependence on performing for others.