Slut Shaming Defense Toolkit: Book Excerpt
Journalist Leora Tannenbaum was one of the first journalists to expose the culture of slut shaming. Now she's back with I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet. Read an excerpt below!
Girls and young women: It’s never your fault for being slut-shamed or assaulted. The ultimate goals described in this book are to eliminate slut-shaming and to redirect blame for sexual assault onto those responsible for it: the assaulters.Until we are able to achieve these goals, you can take steps to minimize your personal risk.Please remember that whether or not you take these steps, you never deserve to be harassed or assaulted.· Don’t binge-drink. Yes, you want to drink with your friends. Fine—but keep your drinking under control. Even friends can do terrible things to each other when they’re drunk, so don’t assume that you’re safe no matter how drunk you become just because you’re with your friends. If your friends pressure you to drink more than you want, hold a cup of alcohol in your hand throughout the evening, taking small sips occasionally. No one needs to know that you’re deliberately controlling your consumption. If you choose to drink excessively, discuss it in advance with a trusted friend who is not drinking excessively, and ask her or him to look out for you.· Don’t dress in a sexually provocative manner unless you want to be looked at sexually and can handle being reduced to a sexual object, since unfortunately that may be the result of your attire.
Everyone’s clothing choices send a message. If you don’t want your message to be “I like showing off my body in public,” then don’t show off your body in public. If that is precisely the message you do want to transmit, then be aware of how others perceive you.
· Think twice before sending a seminaked or fully naked photo of yourself to someone. You trust him now, but will he be trustworthy in six months? Is he the type of guy who likes to show off for his friends? And what about his friends—how trustworthy are they? He may send the photo to one friend, and that friend might forward it to hundreds. Make sure your eyes are wide open about the risks involved before doing something like this.· Intervene when another girl is called a slut or a “ho,” or if she’s in a situation in which she may end up being called a slut or a “ho.” Don’t stand by quietly without speaking up. Girls and women have to watch out for each other—even if they don’t like each other. If you have your peers’ backs, they will have yours.· If you are called a slut or “ho,” confide in an adult and keep a written log of all actions made against you. Take screenshots and print out hard copies of all messages, photos, and videos sent to you that constitute harassment. You might need these records in the future if you ever decide to file a formal complaint.
· Don’t call other girls or women sluts or “hos.” You might think it’s funny and flippant, but the more we spread these words, the more acceptable they become, putting all females at risk for being maligned as sexually abnormal.
· Bond with other girls and women at your school. Create a club to discuss slut-shaming. Build awareness within your community that slut-shaming will not be tolerated. Get together with other women—and, if you feel comfortable doing so, with guys—to talk about sexuality. Invite teachers and other adults to join the conversation.· Remember: No matter what you have done, you are not a slut. And neither is anyone else.Learn more about Leora’s work at leoratanenbaum.com.