Heidi's Blog: On the Practice of Self Love

We live in a world that makes it hard to love yourself. We look up, and we see the stars—beautiful, seemingly eternal, and completely unattainable. Beyonce never seems to have an off day. Her light is always the same fair flare. Meanwhile, I write to you all with my own constellation of popped zits, in a tank top with more holes than shape, and this weird tan line from wearing the same moose flip flops every day this summer.But you know what? I looked in the mirror this morning, and I did something completely unexpected. Dear reader, I smiled.

I cannot tell you how long it has been since that has happened. I canʼt say when it will happen again. My “you go girl!” days are few and far between, and Iʼm extremely sad to say that I am not the only one. If I could, I would be every womanʼs sassy gay best friend, but I canʼt. So have this post instead—I hope it serves you fabulously.

Begin with independence. Youʼve heard it before. Now youʼll hear it again: you are strong and you do not need a (wo)man to complete you. You are strong. You do not need a (wo)man to complete you. You are a whole person. You are complete. I stress this because so many dear friends of all ages, sexual orientations, and genders fall into the trap of thinking they “need” someoneʼs love and approval. All you need is your own.

Respect, love, and enjoy yourself. Someone else will come along later, but “if you canʼt love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” (RuPaul)

The next phase, young padawan, is to accept imperfection. For me, this is the hardest step. For you, it might be obvious. But for all the lovely girls and women who are like me, I have one message: youʼre imperfectly perfect. Your imperfections make you human. They make you dynamic and deep and diverse. They give you a challenge so you can grow, so you can move forward, so you can prove the good in you. Thatʼs a lot to offer, isnʼt it? So embrace your imperfections. Use them to your advantage, or work on reducing them. Own it, baby.Just to be clear: you can accept imperfection, and still improve on it. If youʼre the lazy type (hello!), you can still be productive. Itʼs just a challenge. Everyone else is facing their own challenge. Youʼre not alone, just unique. Do the best you can. Give yourself some slack on days you deserve it - sick days, busy days, “bleh” days - and push yourself on days youʼre feeling good and know you can.Basically, know thyself.Now itʼs the fun stuff. Love what you do! Youʼll feel so much better when youʼre doing something you love. Try everything. Leave no stone unturned, no page unturned, no ball unthrown in your pursuit of a fulfilling hobby. Thatʼs all it needs to be. You can make it a job, if youʼd like and itʼs possible, but once you find something youʼll love, youʼll stick with it. Youʼll practice. Youʼll get good at it. And how great does it feel to be good at something? Now combine that with how great it feels to be doing something you love. Itʼs an investment of time and money, if you choose that kind of thing, but itʼs worth it.Shout out to my minority readers here. As a white, able bodied, middle class person, I canʼt identify with all of you. But your worth is not less for it. As a queer person, I know the feeling of being different. Of feeling Other. And feeling like Other makes you Lesser. Iʼm here to say that Other is Equal. Other is Human. Other is Worthy. Worthy of love, respect, and kindness. And if youʼre not Other, youʼre still equal. Not having these struggles doesnʼt make your life easier. It makes certain parts easier, but donʼt feel guilty about that. Remember, weʼre all fighting our own battles. Everyone feel included? Good. Love you guys.

So youʼre happy with yourself, as a human being. But Iʼve yet to address the hardest, scariest, most obvious part—appearance. I donʼt know a single woman who has never wanted to change something about herself. No oneʼs completely satisfied all around the clock.

Again, you are not alone - size, colour, complexion, there is someone else struggling with it. I hate my plus size curves. One of my best friend hates her tall, skinny “model” angles. Weʼre both struggling with the same issue: body image.In the end, this is a personal issue. What works for me is surrounding myself with positive, but honest, people and making positive choices. I know I am healthy. I know I am a good person. The people around me love me enough to tell me what works and what doesnʼt. And that makes me feel beautiful. Not every day, but most days. And the more I practice what I preach, the more days thatʼs true.So go forth, my fierce, fabulous females. Go forth and love yourself to bits. Then, take that love and shine it on the whole world.Blessed be.Heidi lives in New York City and is a senior in high school. She enjoys the finer things in life, such as chemistry puns and crocheting. You can reach her on email or find her on Facebook.