Ask Rachel: I Feel Bad About My Body
Dear Rachel,I am very insecure, mostly about my weight. People will tell me, "Oh, come on, you look great! You look so skinny, honestly!" They can tell me that all they want, but the truth is, I'll never feel great. I'll never feel skinny. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't like what I see.I just don't get it.–AnaHey Ana,There are two myths that are messing with you:Myth #1: Being skinny will make you happy (or, as you put it, "feel great").It absolutely will not. Being skinny may temporarily make you feel happy. But just like we know that eating a cupcake can't make you feel better in a lasting way, neither can not eating. Your feelings are deeper than that. YOU are deeper than that. If you don't feel good, it's probably about more than your body. Think about what's really "eating" you. Is it relationships with friends? Family? Do you lack confidence about your body because of how it looks, or because you don't feel strong on the inside? Think about this, right now. Seriously.
Real body satisfaction starts when you learn to see yourself for more than your weight. Your body is an extraordinary machine. It lets you run, tumble, hug your friends, climb fences to sneak into swimming pools in the middle of the night, jump into those pools with your ladies, and splash around.
What does your body let you do that you're grateful for? Make a short list, and I guarantee you will feel happier about it.Most of us are destined to be unhappy if we can't accept that we will have moments—or a waist size—that don't match our perfect vision of how things should be. Feeling "great" about your body will not come from ruthless self-criticism about why you're not good enough, but rather gentle compassion about what you look like now. If you want to lose a little weight, cool. But would you dump a friend for gaining five or ten pounds? No. So why dump yourself?If your best or close friend lived inside your head and heard you beating yourself up, what would she say to you? I want you to say that to yourself every time you harsh on your body. Sound cheesy? It's not. It works. I do it. Trust me.Myth #2: If I work hard enough, I can get skinnier than everyone else around me.OMG, the most untrue. There will always, always, always be someone else who is prettier, skinnier, smarter, more successful, more everything than you. You name it, there will be someone out there doing it better.So what does that mean? Sometimes comparing can be a good thing; it can inspire us to work harder and reach farther. But for the most part, excessive measuring yourself up against others—especially when it becomes a way to put yourself down—is a colossal waste of time. It's a dead end. It won't make you do anything except feel horrible.When we compare, it's usually a signal coming from within that something is not right within us. Go underneath the skin of your body and how much it weighs. Go deeper, and think about what your body unhappiness is really about. Spend more of your time dealing with that, and I promise that you will be closer to feeling happy.Good luck!RachelThis post originally appeared on Teen Vogue.