When we face an unresolved conflict, perseverating can make us feel like we’re doing the work of the conflict, as if we care more. But too much thinking can take us to places that aren’t real. Ruminating pulls us further away from our rational, best selves. Try to stay in the now. Focus on how you & the other person might feel, & stick with the events that inspired the problem. Until we have all the information, we gain little from thinking about what the conflict says about who we are — or who they are.