My best friends are fighting right now and I don’t know what to do, should I interfere or let them work it out. I feel really bad because half of it is my fault. I told one of them how the other was talking about her and then things really got heated and I’m scared that this may escalate into fight which I would hate because they probably won’t ever be friends again and I would hate that.
First off, you deserve some mad props for admitting that you made a mistake in this situation. As much as we try to deny it and shove it under that big fluffy rug in our rooms, everyone makes mistakes. Our lives are just one big, undeniable mistake-fest. And you showed up, admitted that you’re not perfect, and want to move on. You go girl!
Here’s the thing with mistakes. After a big one, things tend not to go back to the way they were before the mishap; it can’t help but change things. But, lucky for all of us, this isn’t always a bad thing. Mistakes give us a chance to grow in ways that would have never been possible without falling flat on our faces first.
You have a chance here to create a new level of honesty with your friends. To do that, you’ve got to:
- tell them both that you messed up
- apologize for your contribution to this state of affairs; and
- explain how you now understand that sharing trusted information is breaking a rule designated in the Good Friend Handbook.
I know it won’t be easy, but if they are friends worth keeping, they will understand that it was a mistake, not a permanent turn down the road to evil.
If they decide to fight it out, that is solely their decision. Getting yourself tangled up in their mess will only create a giant web of confusion and has great potential for all three of you to end up hurt.
It is truly impossible to remain unbiased in fights between two people you seriously care about, and even unintentionally, you could end up taking sides, or be perceived as doing so by your friends. Putting yourself in the middle makes you an easy target for your hurt friends, and you could end up in fights of your own. When either friend comes to you about the fight say something like, “I understand you’re upset, but to be fair to all of us, I’m going to stay out of this one.” If their fight ends in catastrophe, which, if they are as good of friends as you think they are, it most likely will not, you will not be a member of the guilty party. You can take control over your responsibility to the friendship, not lose yourself in their issues.
Good luck! Let me know how it goes!