Whenever we’re in a fight, my best friend writes about it in her status and other people comment on it, opening up the fight to everyone. It hurts. What should I do?
Katherine
Hey Katherine,
You know how there are some girls who get really upset when you confront them in person, and everybody comes over to them in the hallway and is all like, “Oh my God, are you okay?” And then people look at you like you’ve killed a small animal?
This is the Facebook equivalent. Except instead of coming over to the person in the hallway, they gather around her status update and leave comments.
Some people might be reading this and thinking, “Whatever, Rachel Simmons is old and clueless, and also, she has bad hair. If I’m upset, I can tell other people about it on FB. It’s what I’m feeling. I’m not naming names. I’m just putting it out there and telling people how I feel.”
I get that. Just like when you go fishing, and you tack on that little dead fish on the end of the line because you want to take it for a swim.
The thing is, when you say you’re upset, you’re attracting attention. People get curious. Besides, information is power, especially privileged information. If you’re in the know, people want to talk to you.
If you’re the hot topic of a status update, you’ve got two choices. You either play it classy, stay off Facebook while it’s happening and wait for the dust to settle — or you can talk to her directly. Do not try to talk to her on Facebook; the fact that she refers to you in her status updates means she probably won’t hesitate to let it rip a lot deeper online.
So how do you say it? Here’s my thinking: “Hey, I saw that you wrote you were upset last night on your status update, and it kind of seemed like you were talking about me. I felt embarrassed, especially when I saw people commenting. I get that you don’t want to talk to me about it, but it feels really uncomfortable when I see other people getting involved. Would you mind keeping it between us?”
Let me know how it goes, and if you’ve got any suggestions for how to deal with a situation like this, write me!