Ask Rachel: I’m Losing My Best Friend

By | January 21st, 2014 | 12 comments

losingmybffDear Rachel,
When we started school this year, my best friend, Jenny, started hanging out with Dina, the school snob. Within a week, she went from my best friend to hating even the thought of me. I tried talking to her about it, but she just screams at me. On the flip side, when Dina isn’t around, she’s back to the fun-loving dork that I was friends with. Dina isn’t popular (just annoying; no one likes her because she whines too much), but Jenny seems to want to be just like her. Should I stop being friends with her? I just don’t know how to get through to her. Thanks. –Alyshia

Hey Alyshia,

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’ve got a BFF homewrecker on your hands. Remember Brad and Jen when they were married? And then Brad made Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and then there was Angelina, and then he wasn’t married anymore. See where I’m going with this? Dina is your Angelina Jolie. You are Jen. Jenny is Brad.

Did it happen because Jennifer Aniston wasn’t pretty, or smart, or nice enough? I’m thinking not. Brad got smitten, and like a hypnotized cartoon character with swirly candy cane stripes coming out of his eyes, all he could see was Angie. Sounds like Jenny’s got the swirly eyes, too.

Imagine what would have happened if, whenever Angie was on location, Brad started being all nice to Jen. Do you think she would put up with that? Not so much. And neither should you. Friendship is not a part-time job. Babysitting, sure. But not relationships.

Respect yourself: let Jenny run off into the sunset with Dina. You’ve got to feel the breakup pain for a while – eat chocolate, listen to Tori Amos, write bad poetry – and then, when you’re ready, get back out there and try to meet a new friend. In a future post, I’ll talk more about how.

12 Responses to “Ask Rachel: I’m Losing My Best Friend”

  • Alex says:

    Hi Rachel,

    I have 2 friends who recently become best buddies are now ” freezing ” me out. They are together all the time and whenever I join them, they suddenly become quiet, look down and shrug when I ask them what they’re doing. I don’t like it at all and I don’t look forward to going to school everyday because of them. They are very unkind and one of the girls on my 2 sports teams used to be very nice and she was the nicest friend I had and I could go talk to her when I had a problem and she was very loyal, but now when she’s with the other girl, she’s a whole different person like she’s very quiet. When I walk with them at recess, they walk faster away from me and talk quietly, I’m doing a class assignment and I’m in their group, and whenever I give a idea, they don’t acknowledge it at all, they don’t even say ” that’s a good idea! ” they don’t even write it down as an idea to use. One of the girls is in my home room and when I think she’s going to walk with me to the next class, then she turns around and waits for the other girl. She also made a cupcake for the other girl but no one else. They became BFF’s and its like they’re stuck together like glue and can never be unattached to each other. They don’t care about anyone else but themselves. I talked to a guidence counselor about it and she’s going to talk about it with the 2 girls separately. Is there anything else I should do?

  • Lovetee Jolo says:

    Dear Rechel,
    I live in Africa. Last school year I travel to the united state as an exchange student and kept in contact with my best friend. I return home few weeks ago but she seems to be avoiding me for reasons I don`t know. I try talking to her and she said everything is fine but the fact is everything is not. The worst of it all is that, she`s talking to this annoying kid i don`t even like and she knows it. what do you think i should do?

  • Steven says:

    Dear, Rachael

    There is this popular girl in a lot of my classes and I want to ask her out but I’m a dorky looking guy. She thinks I am stupid more than likely but I really like her.Once I heard her and we friends say my name in their conversation and after words one starts acting weird around me.what should I do?
    Thanks, Steve

  • Billy Cook says:

    dear rachel, i had this bestfriend from year 7 and going on to year 8. but this new girl comes to our school and startes hanging out with us. couple months later my bestfriend cassie startes to hang out with the new girl sarah. they come friends and start getting really close. one day in class i go ” cassie can i seat there next to you[and casie always say yes] but she said No sarah is seating there”. and i am like ohh.that night i talk to cassie saying our friend ship is moving a apart. couple of month went past adn cassie and sarah do everything together i dont get invited to anything.sarah has party and invites all these year 10 boys and not one perspn besides cassie from year 8.i am getting prety pissed off . because i want to become bestfriends with cassie but i cant beacuse of sarah is pushing us apart. can you please give me some avice.thasnks billy cook

    • Hey Billy….well, I think my post on this page says it all. It does seem like Cassie is moving on and if she’s not responsive when you express your concern, it might mean that you have to move on, too. I know it hurts and it really is hard, but just like in the world of dating where people break up with us (and we break up with people), friendship has the same ups and downs. Instead of trying so hard to get Cassie to pay attention to you, it might be time for you to focus your energy on finding a new friend. I know it feels overwhelming but I promise you…there are other fish in the sea. Give yourself a chance to feel sad and then get out there and find a new fabulous friend!

      • Billy Cook says:

        hey rachel.
        yeh,i was thinking today in class, because cassie was with this bguy {cory} and he called me gay and cassie said yeh you are gay and laughted and i was pretty up set. but i am getting to the point where i have had engough of what people call em and say stuff about me . i am over it . i have a thing for singing and i dont care what people say i am going to live my dream and people dont like it they can move on…
        but who am i going to be friends with i go to a school were people what to be cool. and i got selected to go to a school where singing dancing and drama, i wish i took it..
        nobody care’s about me . should i run away or stay.
        thanks billy

  • Adelaide says:

    Why not write good poetry indeed?

    A lot of people seem biased against teenage and young adult poetry, because it expresses a lot of strong and true emotion.

    Reading poetry would be good, so you can write it better.

    Stream-of-consciousness writing (in poetry and in prose) I also find therapeutic. It definitely beats writing insulting texts or putting it on the blog. A little too … public … for me.

    Raven, I tried studying and being polite, at least the studying part. It’s good that a different class of people will notice and respect you. As well as being respected, being respectful is important.

  • raven says:

    i think u should focus on school. but like study and be polite so people will notice u… u have any other friends???

  • Francesca says:

    why are girls so fickle? really stinks. i like this advice but when you say “eat chocolate… write bad poetry”….

    why not write good poetry?

    • Rachel Simmons says:

      Hey Francesca….you’re right: write good poetry! In fact, write amazing poetry. I was being a little silly when I wrote that, anyway. Thanks for commenting!

      • Phoebe says:

        Dear Rachel-

        My best friend has betrayed me for the popular girls who hate me. How do I prevent this from happening again? How do I tell poisonous girls from nice ones? (it’s too late to fix the problem) Thanks.


  • Adelaide says:

    I hope you do meet a new friend.

    Maybe there are more funloving dorks in your school that you mightn’t have talked to, or people who Dina has loved and left.

    Rachel had good suggestions in Odd Girl Out‘s last chapter.

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