Why Hand-Written Thank You Notes Still Matter – A Lot
There’s something eating me lately. It’s the decline of the hand-written thank you note. These days, notes of thanks come via email or even text.
Yeah, I know. Writing this makes me sound like a grouchy old person. But I’ll risk it because I think all the young adults who make this mistake are losing out on an important piece of life wisdom – and a chance to have an edge. A hand-written thank you note is a gesture that makes you stand out. That little card actually sends a message about the kind of person you are.
In an age of convenience communication, almost everything we write happens with the push of a button.
So why bother wasting paper and a stamp when you could say the same thing electronically? For starters, writing a note shows that you invested your personal time to acknowledge that I invested mine. It means that you thought this particular message was so meaningful that it needed to be held in my hands. It’s a symbolic gesture. And it goes a long way.
People assume that youth communicate online more than face-to-face. That may be true. Yet when you compare who people text with who they talk to, research shows that teens make sure they speak by phone and in person with their best friends. Why? Because talking to someone directly, and being with them, means more than words on a screen. It sends a message about how much you care. The same is true of a thank you note.
Thank you notes are the good form of polite, thoughtful people. Real thank you note writers are the people who ask if they can help set the table when they’re guests at your home. They are the ones who ask you how you’re feeling when everyone else has forgotten you were bummed out. Writing a thank you note is not something we should sacrifice just because technology will let us.
Thank you notes are great for all kinds of things: job and informational interviews, gifts, or when you’re a guest at someone’s home. As an employer, I am far more inclined to hire a young person who sends a hand-written note because I see it as a sign of responsibility, conscientiousness and character.
It will be at least another 10 years before the world is mostly made up of people who grew up on electronic communication. Maybe longer. Until then, the people writing your recommendations, interviewing you for jobs, giving you presents and doing whatever else deserves a thank you will probably be the ones for whom this means a lot. Writing a thank you note will give you an easy edge.
Rachel Simmons is the author of Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl.
Dear RacheL
My name is Judy short and simple I love to wright I can wright for hours, I would love to send you an example if you are interested.My doctor calls my hand-wrighting artistic and that I could make a career out of it.
Judy Youmans
Yes!!! I completely agree. Anyone who applies to work with you better know better now. Thanks for writing this great article.
While formal written thank you notes may be going out of style, let’s not confuse that with the all too common failure to say thank you at all, whether verbal, texted, or smoke signal. Yes, people who give from the heart don’t “need” a thank you, but I assure you that they are appreciated. Appreciating when any effort has been made on one’s behalf is more than mere form or even civility. It recognizes in an archetypal way the interdependence of all beings, and is a practice in developing a grateful heart.
This has been an subject for which people over 40 have been enthralled lately. I jumped on the band wagon as a parent and instructed my kids to write thank you notes. This provoked anger, pain and humiliation…for ME. It hit tsunami level when the young adults graduated from high school and envelopes with checks arrived in the mail. The human appendages amputated themselves from my efforts and went on strike. With an assist from my therapist and friends I recovered, minus an addiction to thank you notes.
I have written lovely thank you notes and received some that deserve a look see by the Pulitzer committee. None left lasting impressions of the human who wrote them, but did fill the rule requirement. I no longer believe in requiring a gift receipt to do good deeds. I do them from a generous spirit and will continue to do so. As for others, I no longer believe in judging a person’s character by whether they write, “thank you for the blank,” or text me a blurb or leave a voice mail. I understand my generation still thinks this is important, as though recognition of services makes us “seen” and so I’ll continue to tell my college kids it would be a good idea to play nice. But conversely I am thrilled they will not carry the tradition of judging others by rules which have stuck around longer than the rotary telephone. Perhaps they or subsequent generations will give freely and often, without requirement of a gift receipt.