Letter to a Teenage Girl: Why You Shouldn’t Sext. Ever.

By | November 2nd, 2011 | 22 comments

by Allyson Pereira

I remember what it felt like to wait up all night hoping for a text, to get chills of excitement when he called you, to think that he was “the one” that you’d spend the rest of your life with.  I also remember the crushing feeling when he dumped you and to feel like your entire world was crashing down. I remember this clearly because when my first boyfriend dumped me, I spent the whole night sobbing. I didn’t eat, I didn’t talk to anyone, and I felt completely alone.

“There’s other fish in the sea,” my dad told me, but I felt as though my ex was the only boy I would ever see. I didn’t understand why I was the only one who could see that. After we broke up, he toyed with my emotions and begged me for a naked picture. I didn’t even think twice about sending one because I was desperate to get him back.

When my ex asked me for a picture, he promised he would get back together with me. I was so enticed by the idea of “winning” him back that I honestly didn’t think of the possible consequences. I thought it was all in innocent fun, for the guy’s eyes only, and that I could always say “it wasn’t me” if anyone found out.

Sometimes girls send pictures out of nowhere, thinking it will give them the attention they seek. In a relationship and in the new digital age, pictures represent sexuality, and couples may exchange pictures as a sign of love or sexual attraction. However, in most cases a boy will ask a girl for a picture, almost as a type of trophy to flash to his friends.

When you sext, you are handing the recipient to your entire future. Pictures can never be erased, and although you may think he will never hurt you, you have to think about the worst-case scenario: the picture getting out. Can you deal with the picture being sent to your parents? Your teachers? Your friends? A naked picture can affect your chances with future colleges and careers. It can even cost you a fine, jail time, and the possibility of having to register as a sex offender.

When my ex received my picture, he never got in contact with me again. We didn’t get back together, and he forwarded it to everyone in his contact list. It took one day for the photo to spread around my school, and the surrounding four high schools, three middle schools, and four elementary schools. My reputation was immediately shattered and I became the target of bullying and harassment.

Even if you trust him one hundred percent, someone can always get his phone and forward the picture. I understand the desire to be intimate through cyberspace, but there are easier, safer ways to do that. Make up pet names, tell him you love him, and send clothed pictures! You don’t have to show him your naked body to earn his love or respect. Quite frankly, if he won’t take “no” for an answer, then he doesn’t love you, and he isn’t worth your time. So, if you ever find yourself in the situation I did, clutching the phone and pondering whether to press send or not, think of me and what I went through, press delete, and tell him you deserve better.

Ally Pereira is a twenty two year anti-bullying advocate. Her experience in high school has inspired her to dedicate her life to preventing the abuse of others. This post is the third in a series.


22 Responses to “Letter to a Teenage Girl: Why You Shouldn’t Sext. Ever.”

  • casseykegan says:

    thnks for giving me the courage to say no i feel so much better about being a stronger girl now hope everyones day goes good.

  • EB_WTGPfangirl says:

    I just finished reading Want To Go Private? and I realize that there ARE really terrible people out there and they should be avoided at ALL times. I almost had an incident like this not too long ago, but I cut off the talking after only a few days because he was asking all these questions, including asking me to send him nudes, I’m am sooo glad what happened to Abby didn’t happen to me.

  • nutella says:

    I have sent pictures with clothes on but you can see the boob outline and im scared people will see and then my parents will find out. Or do you think its a better idea to just straight out tell them. I wanna die i am so scared if people see some already have one pic was posted on an instagram account and i dont know what to do.

  • wanna be unknown says:

    i used to sext but then I stoped because there was this one boy and he asked for a pic and I said no I dnt do tht he said but your so petty just do it but little did I know he was a sexmaster so I sent him 2 pics and he said now send me more your hot I said no im done bye then he said if u don’t send more I ill fimd your address and hae ppl rape u because iwill post those pics on facebook so I got scared an sent pics and videos and I was trapped until I finally stood up to him and said stop leave me alone I have 3 neighbors that are cops so either u leve me alone or I reprt u to the police and he stoped then I had t make a new kik snapchat and change my email all because f that situation…..so plz don’t do what I did and send those pics because your life will become a hell hole

  • WTGPfangirl says:

    Ally this really helped me.a lot of boys at my school say that they like me we get together for one day and then KABOOM they break up with me and I’m back to my lonely boring life

  • Faithfull says:

    “Wanna Go Private” really helped me realize the dangers in doing that. 🙂 Stay Safe Ladies :):):)

  • Abigail says:

    I have dated this guy for 10 months. I have sent him pictures before. I didn’t enjoy it but he did. After reading this and “What to go private?” I realized how stupid I was. I told my boyfriend how I felt and he realized it wasn’t right either. Girls, please don’t send stuff you don’t want to be seen by anyone else. If the guy you are sending this to really loves you, he wont need a picture.

  • Vanna says:

    Wow, it’s really hard not to, and I know it’s not right. I try so much to tell myself not to because I am better then that. I truly am. Lately, I’ve been feeling terrible about myself. It’s bringing me down. I need someone to help me stop! I NEED to, before it gets really bad!

  • kalyn says:

    ive been through so much bkuz i know how you feel i went through some what like that and i honestly would want you to tell me more advice bkuz ive learned from my mistakes and i dont plan on doing it again bkuz i wanna get into a good collage and get a schollarship in softball and guys are always gonna be in and out of my life so why waste time on sending and txting pictures and dirty txt when you can get good grades and a schollarship too a giood collage i have big time respect for you and i want more advice from you !!!

  • kimie says:

    I what u have been through cause I went through that as well. My mom found out and I was so ashamed but I have stopped and not doing it anymore.

  • Lynn says:

    Thank you so much for giving me the perspective I really need… I’ve had many boys ask for pictures and this really helped me! I have almost sent one but I caught myself! And now I know for sure I will never send one! Thank you soooo much!!!

  • shashah says:

    I honestly need help with this stuff…

  • Megan says:

    This is such a… dont even know the words to say. All i know is that people need to stop sexting!

    • Anonymous says:

      Its not like you can stop. You love this person, and you want the best for them. Sextings the way to go, unless you give it up.

  • destiny says:

    Ally thank you so much fro yur courage. I wish we had more people like you.

  • Leslie says:

    THANK YOU! I know several girls who have bf at my school and they don’t know when to say no…. even to sex and they started to call me a wimp for not showing some skin but you gave me the reassurance to say NO!again THANKS! 🙂 🙂

  • genesis says:

    wow…. after reading this it makes me get interested in reading some more!!!!

  • genesis says:

    wow…. after reading this it makes me get interested in reading some more!!!!!

  • Kayla says:

    This gives me all the more reason to say NO . Thank You 🙂

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