Guest Blog: How Sexting Ruined My High School Life
by Allyson Pereira
First in a series.
“If you want me to get back together with you, send me a pic,” was how the text read. I was sixteen, a sophomore in high school, and mourning the biggest break up of my life; my first one. Impulsively and without thinking I went to the bathroom, took off my shirt, had my friend snap a picture, and pressed send. In the thirty seconds it took to do all of that, I never realized how pressing send would forever change who I was and my life altogether.
Overnight the picture had been forwarded to everyone in my ex-boyfriend’s contact list. Teachers, parents, friends, classmates, and even family members received the picture. I immediately went from “good girl” to the girl with the worst reputation in my school.
The harassment began almost immediately with complete strangers screaming “ho, whore, and slut” at me in the hallways. I received texts from girls who wanted to beat me up because their boyfriends had seen my picture. I was scared to walk the halls alone and would beg my friends to walk with me. One girl even stood on a table and screamed “Allyson Pereira is a slut” in the cafeteria. A group of people vandalized my house by putting paint cans in my pool and rolling a tire into my glass door. At a party one night I was sleeping when four girls and two boys stood over me and began writing on my body and clothes in permanent marker “ho” all the while taunting me to wake up and face them.
Students weren’t the only ones making my life a living hell. I had a teacher who told me that I could only use the hall pass if I “promised not to take anymore pictures in the bathroom.” My best friend’s father invited me over for chocolates and wine because he “liked my picture.” Even my boss told me he was going to find my picture and let me know what he thought about it. The officials in my school, who I went to for help, told me to come back when it got physical. Beyond being mortified, ashamed, and self conscience I felt completely alone and even contemplated suicide.
Luckily, my parents found out about the picture and although they were furious at first, they put me in therapy and helped me heal. It took me a long time to figure out who I was after the picture, and I can’t say that I am completely over what happened to me, because I don’t know if I ever will be.
I realize now that the whole experience helped shape me into who I am but most importantly it helped me find my voice, and as long as bullying is still going on in schools, as long as pictures are still be forwarded, and as long as people are still committing suicide over the abuse they’ve endured I will continue to use it.
Ally Pereira is a twenty two year anti-bullying advocate. Her experience in high school has inspired her to dedicate her life to preventing the abuse of others.
ur story has inspired me to send more pictures 1!!!!!! i dont take topless ones now
ive gotten to the stage of taken pictures down south xx lol
[...] with so many people I know deactivating their accounts entirely, with so many shitty things happening in the social world, with so few students being taught digital citizenship in schools, and with so [...]
People who forward pictures like that are scum they don’t know what it feel like to have that done to them how it hurts
Hey, Ally…
your story struck a nerve with me. I made some very poor decisions when I was younger (I’m now 28), and I was bullied. Although I accept responsibility for the things I did, I know now that I didn’t deserve what happened to me.
You’re very brave, not only for sharing your story, but also for speaking out against the shaming and harassment that can occur when girls make bad decisions.
I’ve contemplated taking my life because of the torment people have put me through.
When I was in my early 20′s, I had complete strangers walk up to me on the street and make the most vile comments.
I also had to deal with a lot of harassment at my former community college. This girl and her friends, a bunch of guys, bothered me so much that I felt unsafe in the library and computer lab. That happened back in 2005 but I will always remember how scared and angry I was.
It’s bad enough when guys engage in this behavior, but it really pisses me off when women turn on one another.
It seems extremely misognyist (woman-hating) when girls do that. Don’t they realize that what goes around comes around? It is a pretty sad reflection on society when being viewed as a “slut” is the worst thing possible.
I’m so sorry for what you experienced. Please continue to spread the word on this issue. You will make a difference and be a real inspiration to young women in the same situation. No one deserves to be treated this way.
What happened to the boy who forwarded the picture to everyone? You may have hit ‘send’ but HE hit ‘forward.’
Someday that young man may be the father of a little girl. I wonder how he will feel about himself then? I wonder why he didn’t get vilified as a giant jerk? (I’m being nice using the word ‘jerk.’)
Thank you for your bravery to share your trials and help others. My 13 yr old daughter was lucky enough to participate in a Rachel Simmons assembly in which your story or a story sadly akin to yours was shared. My daughter (1 of 4) retold the assembly’s major points and related a few events from her soccer team (which I coach) where she had stood up to support a friend/teammate. I could hear the pride in her voice and see the clear connection with these topics. The sexting issue was presented in a way she and her peers could relate to: as if the boy getting the image is getting points on a video game. Well, I could go on. As others have said, I hope your healing can continue. As an elementary school teacher, there is daily, yearly potential to help and heal both my students and myself. I believe your work helping others is a healing path.
I have blogged a few times about Ally and am so happy to have found her story. This is a type of story that has had a very unfortunate ending for some children. I consider Ally a digital survivor and hope her healing continues and she keeps telling her story and people keep spreading it around. Children need to know that they can survive this. It does not have to be the end of the world even though it feels so. Thanks so much Ally.
Look how far we HAVEN’T come. This girl did something impulsive and unfortunate. SHE is the one being punished but what about the boy (yes BOY) who chose to share it? What do his friends, family, teachers, employer think of him?
Yes, bullying is a problem that has to continue to be addressed but what about self esteem in young women? How can we strengthen our young daughters’ sense of self worth so that they can stand up and not feel they have to compromise themselves to keep a boyfriend that, in a lot of cases, is not worth keeping.
Exactly! I completely agree! Thank you for posting this!
Sharing your words with my middle school girls.
Glad you are healing.