Guest Blog: How My Sexting Scandal Turned Me Into An Anti-Bullying Advocate
by Allyson Pereira
She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and the biggest smile. She looked like the happiest girl in the world, but the television caption read, “Sexting Suicides.” The next picture was Hope Witsell’s, a beautiful brunette who looked no older than fifteen. All it took were the photographs of Jessie and Hope for me to know them and what they went through.
That news broadcast made me realize how beautiful, happy, young girls were committing suicide because of their sexting scandals and the bullying they endured because of it. It made me realize that I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. I had to tell my story in hopes that other girls would hear it and realize that pressing send could potentially ruin your life forever.
Deciding to go public wasn’t an easy decision. There were still very few people in my family who knew what had happened to me. I had denied the picture to everyone I knew, so coming clean meant that I had to admit to lying.
After sending out a mass email, the replies were overwhelmingly positive. But there were a lot of family members who were mad because they didn’t understand why I couldn’t tell them before. I never told out of shame. Admitting that I had lied wasn’t easy, but I was relieved that I didn’t have to hide my past anymore. The positive comments from everyone also helped me make my decision to go public.
I chose to film MTV’s “Sexting In America: When Privates Go Public” with a heavy heart. I knew I would get backlash, but I wanted to do it for the young girls who needed help. They needed to see that I had survived. While filming, I spoke with a strong voice and didn’t allow myself to cry, although I desperately wanted to. After MTV and over the course of the last three years, I’ve been interviewed by many national and local media outlets. I’ve worked with Assemblywoman Pamela Lampitt on getting the NJ sexting law changed so that kids can receive therapy and not have to register as sex offenders if caught sexting.
People have claimed that I only want my “fifteen minutes of fame,” but the truth is that NO ONE wants to be famous for this. Whenever I’ve considered stopping, I’ve seen the face of a new suicide that has pushed me to continue speaking.
There isn’t a day that goes by without my picture coming to mind. I am constantly reminded by songs and articles, and the words “whore” and “slut” still make me cringe. To this day I cannot go to certain places in my town without being bombarded with hate. There have been fake Facebook pages dedicated to hating me, but for every negative there are ten positive. The letters I get from young girls who tell me I’ve saved their lives keep me going. More than once, the kids I’ve met have brought me to tears with their questions.
I will never forget the sixth grade boy who asked me, “Will you go to your high school reunion?” The tears rolling down my cheeks answered that question for him, but I know that the kids I speak to are learning a big lesson: bullying can ruin a person’s life and leave everlasting scars, but a bystander has the power to save someone if they only stand up.
Ally Pereira is a twenty two year anti-bullying advocate. Her experience in high school has inspired her to dedicate her life to preventing the abuse of others. This post is the second in a series.
Hi, Ally…your story moved me because I have also experienced “slut shaming”.
I made some very bad decisions when I was younger (now 28 years old) but there is still no excuse for the way other people treated me. Most of the people who bullied and harassed me should be ashamed of themselves because I never did anything to deserve that, no matter what they think.
As long as no one is harmed physically or emotionally, what a young woman does with her body and sexuality is HER business. Most of the people who harassed me didn’t even know me. Some of them were complete strangers. But somehow they felt entitled to disrespect me, to threaten me, to comment on my life and my character.
And from my perspective, that is sad. It is sad because some people have decided that they are superior to others because of issues like race, gender, religion, appearance, sexual orientation, and mistakes…as if they are perfect and have never made mistakes.
The bullies are the ones who need to be shamed for their attacks on others. No, they don’t have to like my choices or who I am as a person…but all I ask is that they look into their hearts and figure out why they have a problem with somebody else’s lifestyle, when it has nothing to do with them in the first place.
I’m sorry that you still encounter hate from some small-minded people. I’ve been in that situation too. My situation is a bit better now because it’s been about 6 years since anyone has bullied me in that way, but I still find myself looking over my shoulder and wondering if/when it will happen again. I was afraid to leave my home because I never knew when I would be verbally attacked by people in public. I was also the victim of obscene phone calls for a while. I believe it was somebody who wanted to hurt me or scare me.
I won’t be attending my high school reunion either…there’s no point, really. I was bullied throughout school and I had very few real friends. My heart goes out to everyone affected by bullying and harassment. I was touched by Hope Witsell’s story.
Anyway, I want to tell you that you are an inspiration to those of us who are still trying to make sense of it all. “Slut shaming” and sexual harassment needs to stop. Thank you for sharing your story and trying to help others. You’re a rockstar!
A topic that I have discussed with my teenage daughter but more effective from someone her age. Its great that you decided to turn a bad situation into a good situation and be an example for today’s youth. We all have done things that we regret but learning from it, is most important. Unlike the others who commented, I don’t personally know you but I know it took guts for you to do what you did. Thank you for sharing your story.
Dear Ally, Thank you for bringing “hope” to many. Thank you for continuing to speak the truth and being a light in dark places. Press on, girl. Jesus will lead you, guide you, and continue to give you strength. Trust in the Spirit that brings life. I love you.
Donna, you make me cry every time I talk to you. I bring Hope & Jessie with me always. I think of them, you, and Cynthia every day. Love you
Ally,
I love you. I still cannot get over how brave you are for doing this.I don’t think that I could do it. No matter what you do, good or bad, people will always put you down. I hope you know you have people who love you and care about you. Even if we don’t talk all the time, I am always here and I am so proud of you!! I love you Al.
Brittany
Ally, my lil neighbor down the block. I am so proud of what a strong young woman you have become. You got the best revenge on all those disgusting, fowl mouthed girls from highschool, u rose above their ignorance. Whatever fame u have is well deserved and is something to look up. Those who have something bad to say about it obviously do not get the whole point if it all. Hearing your story not only made my heart break for you but it reopened my wounds from highschool and the torment I had to go through, and I am glad I have someone like you out there making this abuse and torment be known. Thanks for being my voice and the voice of many other girls who hated walking through the halls and still to this day cringe in large crowds with familiar faces. I back you up and I support you !!! <3 ur proud neighbor!!!
I adore you. And will continue telling mine (and yours) story always. What you say is so right and so familiar. Thank you so much! Xoxo
Great job Al your really doing big things. you sound so professional and im so proud of you, you know you can always count on me for support. I love you.- Andy
Thank you all so much! I appreciate all the support so much!
And yes, Ally, I know you are sooooo strong and that you didn’t cry during the taping, but I’m sorry to say I still cry like a baby, lol!
Ally – I was in the audience the day that boy asked you if you would go to your high school reunion and it broke my heart to hear the tears in your voice as well as see the tears on your face. There are ignorant people out there who still make careless and cruel comments and you are a tremendously strong woman to continue to do what you are doing. So proud of you!
Ally, Although I live next door to you and watched you grow up, it wasn’t until your Mom shared with me what had been happening in your life that I realized what a terrible thing had happen to you. You have grown up and have become a beautiful young woman who I am HONORED to say how PROUD I am of you, and also your family. You have choosen to make a difference in this world, to stand up and help those who need someone like you on their side. You are the GREATEST!
Great job Ally! I will be on this blog with my daughter! I am so proud of you and I know your mom is also. Keep up the good work! You are our children’s voice who will not speak up!
Great work being done by you Ally! Many people would have given up by now. Continue with great success.
Excellently put Ally….So glad you are the brave one to come forward and help where you can and you certainly are a huge help to this campaign to be focused on Sexting and the inevitable Bullying and CyberBullying that goes along with it. I am glad to have met such a brave young woman that puts the safety of others above so much. Take Care and Keep Doing What You Are Doing Ally.
Very brave courageous and selfless….You have my support and admiration!
So very proud of you Ally!! Love, Mom and Dad