Guest Blog: The Myth of “More is Better”
From AP classes to sports, clubs and the performing arts, teens are busier than ever. Is more really better? This “busy-ness” is creating a culture of overextended teens struggling with a lack of sleep and focus.
Working in a high school atmosphere, I see firsthand how young women especially are pushing themselves too hard on occasion. The pressure to be the most involved can be too great for some. Running in a million directions may make us seem invincible. “Look at me! I never sleep but I keep going!”
In their book America’s Teenagers: Myths and Realities, Sharon Nichols and Thomas Good write, “While parents and educators argue for better academic achievement and higher standards, too few recognize that tired, overworked, and overextended teens will be hard-pressed to do well.”
This is not to say that pushing teens to do their best work is a bad thing. It’s great to have parents, teachers, coaches and counselors who inspire you to maximize your potential. But the “more is better” lifestyle raises some long-term concerns to think about.
Here are some of the myths about success, along with lessons to be learned:
1. Doing more stuff makes me a better person. Do you measure your worth based upon how much stuff you do? Do you compare yourself to others? “What a loser – I only have one AP class, am in two clubs, and only play one sport!” This is an example of determination gone awry. If we value ourselves based on quantity, not quality, we are missing the mark. Being a healthy PERSON is as important as being active and involved. Grounded teens become sound adults. Ask yourself these questions for a quick reality check:
What KIND of teammate am I? How do I show leadership in my school activities? How do I take pride in my school work?
The Lesson: More isn’t better, it’s just more.
2. I have to take as many AP classes as possible. This is a tricky one! Colleges look for good grades AND challenging courses. However, if you are barely pulling a B- in Pre-Calc, chances are AP Calculus is over your head. On the other hand, your masterful writing skills might make you a great candidate for AP English. Know your strengths and be honest with yourself about your limitations. These decisions require quality chats with a counselor and/or your parents. Yes, you want to do your best, but be realistic!
The Lesson: Honesty is crucial for balance and long-term success.
3. My parents will kill me if I don’t get straight A’s. Let’s be straight. Parents LOVE when you do well. Who didn’t love getting five bucks for that killer second grade report card? The key to this one is COMMUNICATION. Are you struggling with Bio and pulling a C? Instead of stalking the mailman to snag your report card, consider having a heart to heart with your parents. Try communicating with them as soon as you hit a bump. It might look something like this: “Mom, Dad, science just isn’t my thing. I have been going for extra help and trying to study more, but I feel lost. Can we talk about some suggestions to improve my grade?” While I can’t guarantee your parents’ reaction to this one, being proactive shows responsibility and maturity, and it earns trust.
The Lesson: Anything is possible when you communicate!
When I was a teenager, you might have called me lazy according to today’s standards. I participated in youth group, service projects, and I did theater productions. I was not in a lot of school clubs, nor did I play sports. I had a good group of friends and truly enjoyed everything I did. I went to college and am fortunate enough to say that I do what I love. As an educator, life coach, and entrepreneur I believe I have it all.
Being honest with yourself, communicating, and making sound decisions are vital life skills. Conquer the “more is better” myth by developing and using these tools now. Take a breath and watch who you become! Do you have any other suggestions for battling this myth? Please add them here!
It’s amazing how many people I’ve known who honestly feel like they are worthless or failures if they don’t live up to the standards enforced upon them by their parents and the honors student culture. When some individuals inevitably fall short, they descend into a sort of depression and self-loathing, a pit of despair caused by their own abandonment of self-esteem. This is quite inappropriate, and very destructive. People can be very elitist and hold the notion that if they are forced to stoop to a menial job because they couldn’t complete their education (whatever the reason), then they have failed at life and are no longer worthwhile.
Of course many people are somewhere in between the two extremes. But it’s rather offense to yourself and the human race to hold such views. Are you going to look a factory worker in the eye and say, “I think you are less of a person and your contribution to society is worthless” with a straight face? Seriously? How dare you say that just because you didn’t author a novel or get a phD or secure a white collar job you are less of a worthwhile person. It’s the hard laborers that built society, the streets upon which you walk, the generators that power your laptop. Perhaps theirs is the more honorable occupation.
People have a fear of failure that is instilled upon them in childhood, and the more ambitious, the greater the fear–generally. My point is, you wouldn’t spit in someone else’s eye for falling short, so you shouldn’t spit in your own either–metaphorically. If you need to reduce your workload and your stressload, don’t feel guilty.
This is all so true! In my time in high school I was guilty of over-extending myself. It wasn’t because my parents forced me to do so, or even because I felt that I had to, but rather because I had so many varied interests. A jam-packed schedule often left me exhausted, unhappy, and unnecessarily stressed. Although high school was one of the best times of my life, as I move on to college I’m going to try to focus on a few favorite activities, rather than everything that sparks my interest.
I agree that kids are not given that lovely allowable time to THINK, BE, AND LISTEN to themselves and to one another! I have a 13 and 11 yr old. We have Sunday family time: no TV, no electronics, no answering phones etc. Each Sunday (well, most Sundays) we are all together for early dinner in mandatory PJ’s , board games , cards etc. IF we all need to veg and we all agree on a movie, we will watch it together with our favorite popcorn. We try to adhere to our family rule of not accepting any invitations for Sunday past 4pm. It has been our saving grace . My then 12 yr old wrote about how this tradition has so much meaning to him in a english assignment . Bravo to that teacher to share with me how important it is. Let’s love , hold, our kids for they will be long gone far too soon.
I deal with parents who are rushing their children from one activity to another. The children come to me after school for Religious Education, the parents claim the child cannot behave or function because they are too tired from school, then want to pull them early because the child has to go to practice. I don’t get how overextending a child with activities is good parenting, I believe the overextending: tires the children so the parents do not need to deal with them, is part of the mind set that “my kid will get all they can,” and will eventually harm the child. We take 6th, 7th, 8th graders to quiet Prayer service (total of 20 minutes) where they are asked to: relax, listen to soft music then color. It is amazing how many children cannot handle quiet or a relaxed pace.
This is very much the truth whether we all want to admit it or not. We’re always too busy and one thing or another gets left out of our life whether it be family time, friends, etc. It’s hard to know which activity to drop sometimes but we know we have to.
Very interesting, and true. Imagine a rubber band. I’ve seen too many of my peers pulled in different directions (by parents, coaches, friends, teachers, & everyone else we meet in life) to the point where they snap & give up. While it is very important to push your children to achieve their “full potential,” I feel it is equally important to teach children that there’s no way they can reach that potential if they do not sit back & reflect every once in a while. “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” ~Confucius