Blaine Explains: My Best Friend is Under a Mean Girl’s Spell…Can I Save Our Friendship?
Dear Blaine,
Lately my best friend has been ignoring me and hanging out with other girls. I’ve tried talking to her about and she says that she understands and that she’ll hang with me more often, but she never does. We used to eat lunch together every day and now I barely ever see her at all. I really don’t want to lose her friendship. I’ve made friends with the other artsy girl in my class and we’re really close. She used to be friends with my BFF too. I asked her about it and she said she stopped hanging out with my BFF because “She started acting weird. She stopped being herself.” I agree. We’ve both noticed her hanging around the new girl, who can be pretty mean sometimes. I’ve noticed that she’s pretty mean herself now.
What can I do? I want to be friends with her, but I want her to be herself. And I want to be friends with the new girl, but I don’t want to feel like I have to be mean to survive. My BFF, the new girl, the other artsy girl, and I are all pretty popular, so it feels like everyone is watching us to see what we do. I want to patch it all up without the other students gossiping. What should I do?
G
Hi G,
It appears to me that you’ve seriously thought about this and weighed it from a number of different perspectives. And they are all correct. But, after reading your question, here’s my answer:
I think you have a bit more wisdom and insight than you believe you do. You understand that your friend has changed. She’s obviously unsure of herself and as you’ve also pointed out, most likely is changing to meet the requirements of this new girl.
The artsy girl seems like a rockstar who is there for you during time that isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and perfect harmony. She is showing you what a real friend looks like. And since she’s so cool and understanding, I bet she knows many other people equally as down-to-earth and awesome for you to connect with.
I know it can feel like a break-up, but is it worth groveling and sacrificing yourself to reconnect with your BFF while you’ve got other people surrounding you with support?
It seems like you know you would not be comfortable with changing who you are to fit in. If you choose to give up this friend, stick to it. I know it’s going to, quite frankly, suck to wave “au revoir” to a best friend, and just because you choose not to conform as she did, does not mean that she is out of your life forever. She may come to her senses. She might not.
By choosing to walk away from a toxic relationship, you gain control and place the ball in her court. It is an empowering place to be.
And then there’s popularity piece of the puzzle. Which is shaky, and ever changing. And threatening. But every decision you make cannot be made for the sake of other people, or you are never going to be able to figure out what you want. When you stop making decisions for the happiness or appeasement of others is when you seriously give yourself the arena to find your own fulfillment. The easiest way to do this is to exist among the people who build you up, not the ones who speculate and obsess and gossip behind your back.
Good luck, G! Stick to your guns. You’ve got this one, I’m sure of it.
xo
B
My good friend has been with me through thick and thin and now she well…A TOTAL BITCH I’m all like calm the he’ll down idk… She became a total BITCH ON WHEELS what the heck do I do…?
Yours Bahar ):
help my best friend is sometimes mean like she told a boy i love him when i dont and it really upset me and i still cant face him also she stopped bieng friends with this other girl who is a bullie and know she is friends whith her again i know this sounds a bit nasty but i keep wishing she would not be friends with this girl and this girl is patronizing interferong call people names tells lies about them and is a utter control freak dont know what to do and i am worried and unhappy also my friend keeps going with this other girl when we have to work in pairs
my freind goes to the base cuz she has special needs i think and my only other friends are my sister and some girls 2/3 years younger than me who are really kind friendly and nice but if my friend isn’t friends with me i wont have a friend in my class i have a feeling that this girl is just doing it because she has no freinds and because she doesnt like me and my friend
any help would be nice bye
Hi so my bff welll maybe ex bff is ignoring me scince we started 6th grade well actully a few days after we graduated from 5th grade she stopped answering my messages and stuff and now she hangs out with her i guess new bff and i have been ignoring her too because she has changed big time. She has gotten very girly and mean and just acting like a popular girl in the movies but she aint popular she has like 5 friends so i have been ignoring her because of that. I have started to hangout with (who i feel is a great new bff even though i dont know if we are) my old friend a lot and she agrees that my ex bff has changed but she still thinks of her as a friend a little which doesnt bother me … Too much but i have no idea what to do . I wish she well uhm i really am confused help.
Hi so my bff welll maybe ex bff is ignoring me scince we started 6th grade well actully a few days after we graduated from 5th grade she stopped answering my messages and stuff and now she hangs out with her i guess new bff and i have been ignoring her too because she has changed big time. She has gotten very girly and mean and just acting like a popular girl in the movies but she aint popular she has like 5 friends so i have been ignoring her because of that. I have started to hangout with (who i feel is a great new bff even though i dont know if we are) my old friend a lot and she agrees that my ex bff has changed but she still thinks of her as a friend a little which doesnt bother me … Too much but i have no idea what to do . I wish she well uhm i really am confused help.
Excuse me? Can you help me? My BFF is not being herself, like she HATES chicken and she got it for lunch. She is alergic to apples and she ate one nothing happened. She is ignoring me and the TEACHER. I don’t know what to do. PLEASE HELP ME
Hey Amanda i think you should give her a chance and ignore her for a few days she’ll be back until then.
i already tryed it. IT didnt work.
u talk wid othr gals n ignore her tooo much den l8r she’ll realise value fr frndshp n she’ll cum bak 2 u n ull b again BFF’S… n i hav tried dis u 2 tryy once…..