I completely agree that you were right and your employer was wrong in the instance you describe. And I completely agree that women, young and old, should be free to wear what they want without being judged. As usual, you and Eve Ensler have said it well!

I don’t agree, though — and this will be unpopular — that this is all about freedom of expression and individuality. It is also about the safety of women and girls — way about safety. And so I firmly believe that when we are going to unfamiliar public places, frequented by strangers who more likely than not will misread what we wear, we owe it to ourselves to be reasonably conservative. I simply have seen too many victims of the bad judgment of others.

LOVE your writing,
Lucy

I love your blogs. You are truly a talented writer! I must admit it takes me back to my early adulthood as I am now in my mid 30′s.
I wanted to let you know that it isn’t only young females that are constantly being judged on how they dressed. The intent versus outcome applies to all women. It is something in our society that has to change or it is going to have more detrimental effects than it already has thus far.
Unfortunately women are objectified in the media everyday and this tells the world that sex sells. So when females want to wear something that actually is like you said for us and no one else, well we get spoken to like we are dressing sleazy or judged on how we dress. I can’t remember the last time I heard someone say I can’t believe “he is dressed like that,” implying sexual connotation.
This is because women are objectified. This rant goes well beyond just how women dress or should dress according to others. We are being passive as a society by not addressing that how a woman dresses doesn’t mean she is asking or wanting anything. It means she is comfortable. Just like if she has a big chest and wears a tank top. Well we don’t say anything to a heavyset male that has half his belly hanging out of his shirt because that would be rude. Why isn’t it rude when others say these things to women?

Thanks for your insight! Keep writing!!

When you allow the way you think others will falsely perceive you by your appearance to effect your actions and make you change the way you look, what you are doing is strengthening their false notions that your appearance does indeed symbolize something “bad” about you. Every time you cover up your legs, or your cleavage, or don’t cut your hair too short, or do or don’t do anything else to the way you look that you wouldn’t have done if you weren’t afraid of someone thinking ill of you, you are only serving to strengthen their convictions that the way you look isn’t bad, and that, therefor the way you *don’t* look *is* bad. On the other hand, with every challenge to their notions of what is “bad” and what is “good” you act as a force of change, you *force* them to reexamine their false ideas and so *force* them to change their false ideas to something more true.

Don’t let society change you into something you aren’t, change society to be a more hospitable place for you.

Don’t live a lie, change the truth.