Lilly’s Blog: Ten Commandments for a Teenage Feminist
So you’ve decided to become a feminist? Awesome! Welcome to the club! Inspired by Feminist Fatale’s Ten Commandments of pop culture feminism, I have created Ten Commandments for a teenage feminist. Though I may not always practice what I preach (who does?), I certainly try to keep these “commandments” in mind. They have helped shape my short career as a proud feminist. I hope readers find these tips as helpful as I have. Please feel free to add your own in the comment section below.
1. Thou Shalt Verbalize
It is not enough to simply believe that women deserve treatment equal to that experienced by their male counterparts. It is essential that young women share their beliefs with others. Chances are many of your peers share the same hope of an egalitarian society. If, at a young age, you have the smarts (pronounced smahts) to be prematurely aware of the sexism and injustice around you, you have a unique and amazing opportunity. You can verbalize your awareness and share your observations. It is a privilege, nay an obligation, to start conversations.
2. Thou Shalt Not Waffle
It is hard to be constant in your convictions. Especially when yours is not the popular party line. When I first came to understand the unfairness and hurtfulness of words like “b***h” and “slut” (words that have no male equvilant), I removed them from my vocabulary (and replaced them with classier versions such as “harlot”…..just kidding). I then began gently encouraging my friends to consider the impact of using such poisonous language.
But I was afraid to speak up when others used sexist language. Sometimes I even let myself slip and say something offensive when around less familiar people. I now understand being a feminist is a 24/7 practice. It is a disservice to myself and to others to be inconsistent in my expression of my feminist beliefs. I no longer second-guess myself about speaking up and I therefore no longer feel guilty for not speaking up. Additionally, people who know me no longer receive mixed signals about what I do and do not find appropriate.
3. Thou Shalt Have A Sense of Humor
I cannot emphasize to you enough the importance of having a sense of humor. People will be much more receptive to what you have to say (see 1 and 2) if you can kill ‘em with kindness…and a bad case of the chuckles. Take a note from the hilarious Sarah Haskins and make your commentary both profound and palatable. Instead of lecturing someone for using “gay” to describe something unlikable, say something along the lines of, “Hmm I didn’t realize the broken pencil sharpener had a sexual orientation.” Okay, so it’s not pee-your-pants funny but it’s more amusing than ‘how dare you!?’ As a future leader and up and coming face of feminism, we must not only know our message but also know how to spread it.
4. Thou Shalt Educate Yourself
It has never been easier to learn about all of the wonderful aspects of feminism. There are so many resources available to young feminists online. Want thoughtful analyses of current news? Jessica Valenti and Co. are only a few clicks away. Fbomb is at your service when you find yourself wondering what’s up with other young feminists. Jezebel is the place to go for to see how pop culture and feminism intersect. There are so many facets to feminism and it is possible to really enjoy finding your niche through reading.
5. Thou Shalt Not Vilify
Though it may feel most logical and most gratifying to unequivocally hate the people and things that contribute to our sexist society, this strategy is often ineffective. Instead of vilifying men and pointing fingers, we must include them in feminism. After all, inequality affects everyone negatively, even those who seemingly have the upper hand.
I believe it is far better to be frustrated than angry. Hating Abercrombie and Fitch for their deplorable shirts is paralyzing and unproductive. Being outrageously frustrated with their statements and organizing a “girlcott?” Now that’s young feminism in action. Not to get all deep on ya, but Martin Luther King Jr. really said it best: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
6. Thou Shalt Be Brave
In seventh grade, I was at a progressive private school where boys regularly commented on the bodies of their female peers. Teachers viewed this as a “boy thing,” but it was demeaning, and I spoke out against the tolerance of this behavior. My efforts were met with derision and ridicule. Boys who resented having been called out on their conduct bullied me mercilessly. Not only did my teachers turn a blind eye to my mistreatment, they too seemed unwilling to discuss the inappropriate comments. But through persistent dialogue, the administration ultimately agreed to establish single-sex meetings in which girls and boys would be able to talk openly about the situation.
Speaking up wasn’t easy. The bullying got so bad I resorted to being super unoriginal and ate lunch in the bathroom. (Yup, just like in the movies.) But I do not regret what I did. It was my first moment of mini activism.
Standing up for yourself and for other young women will be difficult and unpopular. But it will open up for you a world of female empowerment that, once you enter, you won’t be able to imagine doing without.
7. Thou Shalt Eat Chocolate Cake
Okay, so this one isn’t exactly related to feminism. I just think it’s important to eat food that makes you smile (show me cake and I’ll show you a smile so big you can see my molars). The fine print of this commandment reads as follows: Thou shalt also shamelessly watch trashy TV, be goofy with friends, stop studying after three hours, cannonball into the pool, buy a Snuggie, give yourself a day off from school and say no to impossible requests just because you can.
8. Thou Shalt Be Creative
Whether you excel in sports, fashion, cooking, the arts, academics, or magic tricks (juggling anyone?) I guarantee there is a way to use your talents to be a proactive young feminist. Love to write? (My first screen name, embarrassingly, was writer303…my brothers will not let me forget how obnoxious that is for a ten year old) Start a blog! Athletically inclined? Check out groups like Girls on the Run. Good with kids? Friends of mine have volunteered to babysit the children of women living in domestic abuse shelters. I could go on and on but the point is, all those things you’re doing to make your college application crazy cool? You can use them to make your community crazy cool as well.
9. Thou Shalt Not Waste Time
Why wait to start exploring feminism? We won’t be young forever (or so I’ve heard. I don’t know. It might just be a rumor). And as young women we have an invaluable voice and perspective the feminist world needs. Unlike drinking, driving, or wearing heels, you’re never too young to be a feminist.
10. Thou Shalt Say it Loud, Say it Proud
I am a feminist. I am a feminist. I am a feminist. These four words may feel like social suicide in middle and high school. But I promise you they are not. The people worth being friends with will appreciate who you are: a constant force of outspoken, humorous, educated, compassionate, happy, creative and youthful… (drumroll please) feminism!
Note from Rachel Simmons: This post originally used artwork from the documentary film, “I Was A Teenage Feminist,” without credit. With my apologies to the director, I recommend this film wholeheartedly as a companion to these commandments!
Lilly graduated from high school in June and is a weekly guest blogger for RachelSimmons.com. Read more about her here.
thou shall not make a man a sammich.
Hi Lily,
I really enjoyed your ten commandments. Following your first commandment – “you shall verbalize” – I want to tell you that I was a little sad when I realized that you adressed female feminists only. You said that feminism should include men – it already does! While not a teenager, I am a young feminist and felt adressed by your commandments – until you wrote about “Standing up for yourself and for other young women” and told that “as young women [you] have an invaluable voice [...]“. Please don’t forget that some of those beard-growing fellows (including me) want an need gender equality no less that you (Lilly) do.
As a 31-year-old feminist, seeing young girls who identify and are willing to admit they are feminists makes me smile. Please recommend to your readers that they read Mary Wollstonecraft’s “A Vindication of the Rights of Women” and read more about the history of this movement, like G.B. Shaw’s and Henrick Ibsen’s roles.
I went to an all-women’s college and don’t regret that decision to this day. Thanks for a great list, and keep up the amazing work!
Wow! thanks so much! especially for number 6! I am 17 and have been a lonely feminist for the past 3 years. all of my friends share my views but don’t identify as feminists because of the reputation the word comes with. But I can honestly say to all you girls and guys wavering on your feminist views although it may seem like a lonely road at first, teachers, girl friends, guy friends and boyfriends have all respected me more because I project my views and try my hardest to educate others. so here’s to making feminism cool!
Thank you, Stephanie for being so brave. Welcome to the club
I see and respect what you are expresing in # 2. But I also think it is much more powerful to take a negative term like bitch and slut and turn them into positive terms. I’ll try to explain myself, hope you get what I’m saying. Alot of the time you see feminist who use the term bitch in a positive way by saying things like ” Head bitch incharge!”. Also I think it’s important to turn slut into a positive term aswell becasue there is nothing wrong with being a female who is sexual. By embracing the term and making it posisitve you are saying ‘yes I’m a girl, yes I’m sexual and that’s ok”. Rather then banish the term slut, say there’s nothing wrong with being a slut so let’s embrace the word. I think it’s so much more powerful to embrace the term then be victimized by it. Do you get what I’m saying?
also I loved what you wrote, it mad me soooo happy. If you have opinions on what I wrote please do email me! I’d be glad to get your opinion on everything!
Lilly, your writing is accessible and reasonable, which makes its effect broad. Great stuff. I especially agree with commandments 1,4,&5. It’s so important to actively open one’s eyes to feminist issues and then be outspoken when injustices arise. Men too must be just as included in feminist education, since men need to change at least as much as women do.
Keep fighting the good fight.
[...] 6, 2010 by adrihappens My good friend Laura posted this link on her blog the other day. I just found it and I am quite in love… How do we change the [...]
[...] Lilly's Blog: Ten Commandments for a Teenage Feminist « Rachel Simmons [...]
got this in a link… you guys are awsome!! i especially like what you said in #3 about saying “gay” to mean stupid. i’ve been trying to get this through with a friend of mine, that saying “gay” and “retarded” as an insult is stupid. i prefer… “cullen”
For #4…maybe you can add in some other blogs? Some women, feminists and womanists, have strong issues with Jezebel and Feministing.
http://www.womanist-musings.com/
http://sisterstalk.net/blog/
offer perspectives that often aren’t covered by those blogs,
and http://thecurvature.com/ does a great job covering issues that affect sex workers, people of color, those who are disabled.
Hi Danielle,
Thank you for the additional selections. There are far too many wonderful blogs to mention. I will be sure to check these out!
Best,
Lilly
Thanks for taking the time
Cool website. Me and my daughters are in!
[...] Lilly's Blog: Ten Commandments for the Teenage Feminist « Rachel Simmons [...]
Thank you for this, Lilly! I will be passing this onto the students I work with!
Wow, this was inspiring. Especially #6, “Though Shalt Be Brave” I’ve always been a ‘closet’ feminist. Well…to an extent. I’ve always been a tomboy, and outspoken about certain things, but when it comes to sexist humor and words found in everything from standup comedy to everyday conversation, I’m just too scared to say anything. I always laugh it off when, in reality, it makes me feel angry or uncomfortable. For example, it bothers me when I hear my guy friends yell to each other, ‘You’re such a pu**y!’ One time I was brave enough to say, “I didn’t realize having one of those was a bad thing” (trying to be somewhat funny a la your commandment #3), and it was met with an eye roll and “Oh please, don’t take it seriously. Come on, really?” *sigh* This is a really really good friend so, why persue it further and put a rift in the relationship?
Why is it so ok to be sexist?? If you were to replace ‘woman’ with ‘black’ in sexist statements, you would have an incredible outrage from the black community. And rightfully so, because it’s *wrong.* In fact, most people just don’t say such things because we all know it’s wrong. But it’s ok to bash women?? why why why?
I have a stupid question – as opposed to outright banishing of the words slut/bitch, is there any possibility of turning them into gender-neutral profanities?
Sorry, Lilly, for spelling your name wrong. I should know better – it happens to me all the time!
Hey Lily! Great post and inspiring info!
I’m not sure if you realized this, but the artwork used for this post is from my documentary “I Was A Teenage Feminist.” It’s actually a great resource for young women trying to understand what feminism is all about and how they can be part of it.
There’s more information about the film at http://www.trixiefilms.com/teenfem
Thanks for a shout-out to the Ten Commandments to Pop Culture Feminism but our blog is Feminist Fatale, not Femme Fatale. http://www.feministfatale.com Big love, though. I’ll circulate this!
Oops! I’m sorry for the confusion. Thank you for your support
Best,
Lilly
This has been corrected and updated above. Thanks, Melanie!
Wow, Lily! I continue to be blown away by your strong-yet-approachable writing style, not to mention your incredible insights. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
This post makes me especially happy because I love it when I see girls & women encountering, exploring, naming, and promoting feminism at younger and younger ages. It took me until 1st year university to really encounter the ‘f-word’, and I’m so glad I did- it’s awesome that you got there even sooner than me!
LOVE IT! Sending this to my little daughters, and my niece, and a few middle schoolers who could use this awesome manifesto.