Beauty Redefined: A Case for Single Sex Education
by Stephanie Licata
When I think back on my pre-teen and teenage years I wish I had more good memories. Having been overweight for the entirety of that time period, it was colored with more downs than ups. Suffering from years of bullying and public humiliation, I still feel the pain and social stigma that came with being physically different than my peers.
By the time I was a junior in high school I was over 300 lbs. My moment of bliss came when I established a group of friends who had a common interest in music and theater. For the first time I had a network of people who I truly counted as friends. I could be myself.
But why did I have to wait until junior year? What could have helped ease the pain of the painful years that preceded 11th grade? Though I’ve done plenty of evolving since 16, I have to admit, the remnants of those difficult years never completely disappears. I have often pondered all the different factors that contributed to my experience since beginning a career as a program director at an all girls high school.
I narrowed my thoughts down to two contributing factors:
- The desire to feel beautiful
- Being in a co-ed atmosphere
While the first may be self-explanatory, I think the second is worthy of reflection. Somehow, the co-ed atmosphere created an added pressure for me and my insecurities. From finding a date to the prom, to feeling the pain of unrequited puppy love, the experience of relating to the opposite sex at school definitely presented a challenge.
I have been truly amazed to witness the different atmosphere that is created in an all female educational setting. Girls seem to be able to define beauty in healthy ways that relate to their character and achievements. In interviews, they seem almost unanimous in the single sex atmosphere contributing to their increased confidence.
I asked a number of my students to share about their own weight issues, what makes them feel beautiful, and how being in an all girls school affects it all. I was overly touched by their candid responses:
“Since about the 8th grade, I have felt conscious about the way I look, especially my weight. Going to public school didn’t help much either. I used to feel fat, ugly, and disgusting. Coming to a new high school, an all girls school, made me feel even more self-conscious. I was going to now go to a school with 800 pretty, skinny girls and I didn’t think that they would accept me.
My opinion soon changed the after the first month of school. Girls stopped doing their hair and worrying about their appearance. People were still making friends, without having the perfect body and clothes. At this school, girls don’t make friends based on who has the best clothes and the best hair. Friends are made on personalities and admirable qualities. I thought would feel self conscious but the new all girls school actually made me feel beautiful.
I have learned to believe that my most beautiful qualities in myself are kindness and generosity, rather than what my weight is. When I was younger, I would always hear people saying what’s on this inside is what counts, but now I truly believe that to be true.” ~ Lily, HS Sophomore
“Going to an all girl school helps a lot because no one is looking at you and judging your outside appearance by “hotness.” You can even eat whatever you want and not feel self-conscious! At lunch, if you have the ravioli with fries and cookies and not the salad with fruit no one is going to look at you differently!” ~ Holly, HS Sophomore
“Going to an all girl’s school allows me to realize that each girl is beautiful in her own way. Seeing girls with no makeup on everyday allows us to get to know that true person. I see the beauty in every girl at my school because we are all vulnerable without our makeup to hide our insecurities. When we are vulnerable, we open up to each other, and our true beauty behind the mascara and lipstick is shown.” ~ Hanna, HS Junior
So where do you weigh in? What makes you feel beautiful? Do you think having boys around at school makes it harder to deal with body image issues? Leave a comment or question!
Stephanie is a service and leadership coordinator at an all-girls high school. She is also an experienced life coach for teens and adults. She can be reached at
stephanie [at] stephanieLicata [dot] com
I’m in the eighth grade at a co-ed school and although I have fantastic male and female friends I still feel like I’m fat and ugly.
I am a middle school teacher in a co-ed school and have thought about single gender schools for years. I am currently reading a book titled “Why Gender Matters” By Leonard Sax and it has opened my eyes to the truth of this matter. By attempting to become gender neutral our society has short changed its children. They are left to grow up with no identity, no idea of what it means to be a man or woman. Instead, they search for this identity on their own and discover it in unhealthy ways. Women objectifying themselves, men using women for sex, men afraid to participate in fine arts for fear of ridicule, women afraid to compete or participate in math and science for the same reasons. All of the efforts over the last thirty years to create equality among the sexes has done nothing but create social confusion and ambiguity…not equality.
Jake – Thank you for bringing the Sax book into the conversation. I have read parts of the book and think it is fascinating what we can do with this kind of important information. Creating successful and healthy men and women starts at an early age. Honoring the differences between men and women can start with single sex education to encourage stronger more positive identities. – Stephanie
I completely agree. I go to the school Ms. Licata writes about in the article, and after reading the quotes left by the other students, and can absolutely relate. An all-girl school gives a completely different atmosphere, and I can appreciate it after being completely out casted in my old co-ed grammar school. Going into this school, I thought it would be filled with snooty, beautiful, skinny girls and would end up lowering my self-esteem; but it really did have the opposite affect! After the first few weeks, I realized that I no longer was afraid to comment in class, and I was free to be myself because their was no one to impress. Although academics are the whole point of going to high school, your social life and self-esteem, I believe, play an even bigger role! High school is where you discover who you are and who you want to be without anyone judging you, and it has been so much easier for me to do that with less superficial pressure! I’ve grown so much more confident here, and especially learned that not everyone in the world is going to like me, which I feel girls need help realizing. In the past, if I had 20 amazing friends who are loyal and truthful, and then 1 girl who absolutely hated me, that would be all that mattered to me! Here, I’ve learned to concentrate only on the relationships that actually matter in my life, not the self-demeaning ones.
As someone who used to work at a single sex College in Westchester County, I would like to commend you on your article. I met many young ladies who flourished during their education in a single sex secondary and/or high school. Many were held back not only by lack of self esteem but also by their teachers,who subconsciously, were also holding the girls back in the classroom or in extra-curricular activities. Some of my college studetns confided in me that they wished that they were able to go to a single sex high school because they felt pressured to “dumb down” so the boys would like them and that when they came to College, they were finally able to run for President or Editor, etc. and raise their hands to answer questions in the classroom without feeling like a “no it all.”
Single sex education isn’t for everyone; but, it is a crucial choice that should never be taken away from girls or boys.
Sonnie –
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Imagine a world where everyone had the option to choose single sex education! In the absence of that choice it is great to know that there are fellow educators out there empowering young women to stand tall!
Stephanie
Going to an all girls school is so great. There is no boy to impress, and you can be yourself. You don’t have to pretend to be someone who you feel that “the boys will like”. Going to a girl school helps you find yourself and your morals. It is such a freeing atmosphere.
Having gone to public school for most of my life, and then attending an all girls’ school, I can see both sides. I definitely like go to an all girls’ school better. There’s no pressure to look nice everyday, and honestly, we have so much work to do that no one even notices or cares! I vote single gender schools all the way!
I feel that we as girls are definitely too pressured in a co-ed school, especially when we are always consciously aware of the presence of guys. We always want to know what they’re thinking when they look at us or talk to us, and we aren’t focusing on the more important things, like the real reason we are in school– education. We are not focused on finding who we truly are, what we truly like and dislike, and we are instead focused on what boys see when they look at us. It’s not healthy.