Guest Blog: How to Conquer Prom Drama
by Stephanie Licata
It’s the middle of a lunch period at an all-girls high school. I am sitting in my office organizing the next event, fundraiser or service project. As my eyes glaze over my excel spreadsheet, I am distracted by the sound of sobbing coming from the ladies room next to my office. Having an office next to the bathroom puts me in a prime location to catch the day’s meltdowns.
I get up from my chair and open the bathroom door. There stands a red-faced teenager and her calming friend consoling her. I ask “What’s wrong, are you OK?” She says she is fine, but then collapses her head into her hands. The friend mouths the words “PROM DRAMA.”
In this instant I could write the script of what I am about to hear. Each year I am witness, counselor, and listener to at least two or three of these episodes. I am the approachable non-teacher school program coordinator who will listen, coach, and guide whoever lands in my office at any time.
Tiffany has decided that there is only room for 6 couples in the limo that her dad’s friend’s cousin’s boss’s dog walker’s friend can get, which means there is no room for my bathroom sobber and her true love Tyler to be in the limo. She is out. Tiffany has made this grand declaration. Five other girls are too scared or unsure of how to approach Tiffany with this injustice, and my bathroom crier is rendered defenseless.
If Tiffany is wise, she will ask everyone’s input and lead the group in making a group decision. If Tiffany starts dictating, you can guarantee there will be tears, repressed feelings and emotions, and tension galore at the lunch table. Dictating is a common characteristic of a leader of a group, rather than a concerned friend. Cliques in particular often have one person, seeking control over followers, rattling off unofficial “rules and regulations” that will determine who is worthy of being in a group at any given time. A true friend exhibiting natural leadership qualities would ask for input, organize information, but also be sensitive to the feelings of others.
How can girls make prom enjoyable and learn a valuable lesson about small group dynamics? I decided to go straight to the source.
Within 30 seconds of instant messaging three of my students, I had enough input to write a second post. I asked the girls to share about their experiences and offer teens advice about how to make the most of the prom experience, and navigate through the communication jungle that the process can sometimes become.
CONQUER THE FEAR OF SPEAKING UP!
“If you have ideas or opinions about what your prom group is doing, definitely speak up. If you’re going to pay a large amount of money, you have every right to be happy! If someone’s taking the lead and you disagree with some of their decisions, take them aside and talk to them rather than confront them in a large group. Prom is definitely a big part of high school, but it’s not the make it or break it. You’re supposed to have fun and enjoy yourself!” ~ Cynthia, HS Senior
AVOID DICTATORS – YOUR VOICE COUNTS!
“I think that sometimes girls and guys will get too wrapped up in getting designer dresses, crazy party limos and extravagant after-parties. Girls tend to get swept away and one person takes charge. When that one person takes charge the best thing you can do is tell them what you’re thinking. By doing that you are asserting yourself into a situation that is important to you. You shouldn’t feel bad about speaking up for yourself and making sure everyone gets what they want. Prom isn’t only for that person planning the night – it’s for everyone.” ~ Ariana, HS Junior
WORK TOGETHER!
“Luckily, my lunch table was only six girls and prom tables were six couples to a table. The real problem with prom was what to do after the prom. Some kids want to go here and other want to go there. Some girls have more “leadership” than others, and opinions are often left in the dust when it comes to decision making. My group and I found it was easiest to make our decision by looking at the costs of the ideas and by taking a vote, acting democratically!” ~ Leeanne HS Junior
Prom is a time to celebrate your high school experience responsibly. The most important lesson: HAVE FUN! Don’t get bogged down by the details or the drama. Years from now you will be looking at those prom pictures trying to remember the name of that guy in the monkey suit next to you!
Stephanie is a service and leadership coordinator at an all-girls high school. She is also an experienced life coach for teens and adults. She can be reached at Stephanie [at] StephanieLicata [dot] com.
[...] since so many stories had surfaced about moving beyond ‘mean girl’ stereotypes and how to conquer ‘proma.’ Now, as As we wrap up “girls rights week” AND prom season, it seems Lilly’s post is a [...]
Well seeing as some “proma” seems to be on the verge of errupting within my group of friends, I think I should point them all to this article/blog!!! Hopefully, it will help everyone remember that prom is supposed to be fun (and anot stressful)
I experienced my own “prama” (prom drama)earlier on today, and I was at a complete loss. I too had the group of girls who wanted to take over and change plans and exclude everyone else from their clique. To me, this was totally unfair. After being friends with these girls for four years, I, and many of my other friends, could not understand why we were being disregarded and unaccounted for. We all vented and got angry about it, but it wasn’t until after all of our hurt feelings were spilled out to each other that we realized we weren’t doing anything productive to solve our problem. What I, and my friends who were all upset realized, was that all of the frustrated feelings totally aren’t worth it. Prom is supposed to be a fun night to spend with your friends!
Everything in this article is so true! One single person/small group of people should not be dictating the entire group’s decisions or try to sway opinions!! Once I stepped back and realized what exactly prom is supposed to be, I understood that the hurt feelings, the fights, and the changing of plans shouldn’t be happening! We shouldn’t be plotting different plans behind each other’s backs like we were – instead, we should confront the problem and try to come up with a solution to fix it. Luckily, by getting advice from adults, talking to our friends parents, and talking to each other, things were somehow sorted out, to what I hope will make everyone happy! The important thing to remember is that no matter how bad “prama” can become, it is never worth it because everything will always work out in the end!
Thanks for the article – this really helped! (:
Christina:
I am glad everything worked out and you realized that fun is the most important part of this night! Good for you for seeking out advice and staying the course!
Stephanie
This is great advice that the teen girls have given, but I’d like to know if they actually followed it themselves. My guess is probably not! This stuff is always so much easier said than done.
This happens to everyone. I myself was caught up in my own fair share of prom drama and let me tell you there is no way around it. your ideas are great and in theory would work but getting a large group of girls who go to a high pressure school to focus 100% on making prom a smooth process is next to impossible. However, if everyone did at least one of those things, it could be a lot more bearable for everyone. To be honest, the drama kind of made the event even better once it all subsided
) it’s alllllll relative problem solving skills! looking back it’s silly but then again, there will always be things to look back on and call silly! <3 great article though it's so true xoxo
Wow! I am glad this resonated with so many girls. I like what Colleen said about going with the flow. In a group effort you might not get everything you want but its important not to be taken advantage of!
I completely agree with needing to speak up. I had a friend whose group planned everything without telling her and only told her after it was too late to put her input into the situation. Nothing was going right for her and eventually they left her without a table to sit at but luckily she was able to find another table. There was definitely a dictator in this situation and nobody did anything about it. Prom is supposed to be a fun time with the friends and the preparation is a group effort and everyone needs to be able to add their ideas.
I agree with Stephanie. Prom is supposed to be fun, instead girls tend to make it something much more complicated. I myself have comforted a few of my friends due to “prom drama.” The problem is most people forget the purpose of prom – to have a special night with your peers. Like you said, the most important thing it to have fun, it doesn’t matter who you are sitting with or what you are wearing.
Deenu – good for you for being there for your friends and for realizing the point of prom! – Stephanie
This article is humorous, yet completely true. I attending an all-girls High School and things like this happen all the time. Prom is an important event that all high school girls should have the opportunity to attend. This article should be read by all girls because it can help to prevent the unnecessary prom drama. Prom should be fun, stress free and exciting.
I have personally found that the best way to have a stress-free prom is to “go with the flow.” You can’t get worked up over every detail, but at the same time, as Stephanie says, you can’t let someone dictate your group of friends!
I can totally relate to this!! My best friend tried to take charge of every detail of our prom, it caused so much drama and some girls decided not to anymore!! Though only 4 of my friends were going, we still had a blast!! I really wish I saw your advice sooner than I woulda stood up to her! Thanks xoxo
I completely agree with that there is a “dictator” in every group of friends. Speaking up is an important thing you can do if you seem to be plowed over with a million other ideas. I agree you should confront anything you have a problem with because after all, it is your prom too!
I can relate to this article because I was personally afected by prom drama. I think Miss Licata’s advice will be very helpful for girls in the future who may be dealing with prom drama. I agree with Regan! This can happen to anyone!
This article is something that should definitely be read by all girls attending prom…It’s something that can happen to anyone.
This is such amazing advice! I’ll remember to bookmark this and reread it next year a few months before prom to ensure that I won’t have this unnecessary drama in my life!
YES MS. LICATA! Love your outlook. Prom is such a stress, but once you get passed all of the “PROMA” it is the best night ever. So happy you have a blog, girlllll, you’ve got stories to tell!
love this article and love Ms. Licata’s outlook on everything in general! It’s humorous, inciteful, and exciting all in one!