Rachel Simmons

Hey Rachel,
So I am moving…..out of town….out of state, so to a new school. I don’t know what to do because I have NEVER been the new girl, ever. It’s all going to be new and I don’t know what to expect or anything.  Any advice?
-Kourtney 16

Hey Kourtney,

Being the New Girl is always tough. You have no idea what you’re walking into, and it can feel super lonely at the beginning. The anticipation alone is enough to give most of us ulcers.

Here are my tips for being the new girl:

1. 1. Meet some people online before you start. DO NOT get personal with them right off the bat. I am really serious about this: Even if you feel like you’ve met your BFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, set boundaries. No big secret revelations…yet. There will be plenty of time for the big love-in when you see each other.
   2. Make a list of some ways you can meet people. Do it before school starts. That might include sitting down at a crowded lunch table, speaking to someone you don’t know in class or the hall, or joining a particular team or club. Get out of your comfort zone as much as you can and take a few risks. That’s where the payoff lives: in those leaps of faith.
   3. Commit to trying one thing from your list every day. Stick with it and don’t punish yourself if you miss a day here and there. Some days, you may just need to be a hermit.
   4. Do not come on too strong. Don’t dominate conversations in a group, or call or text someone too much. Play it cool. Don’t look desperate.
   5. Proceed with caution. When you’re the new girl, you’re vulnerable. You might even feel a little desperate to make a friend. Do not let your vulnerability cause you to throw yourself at any new friendships. That means not telling someone every last secret about yourself in the first week you know him or her.
   6. Wait before you date. Or hook up. Or whatever is you’re going to do romantically. Get a sense of the landscape. Start flirting with some random guy who happens to be the lust object of some nasty female at your school, and congratulations, you’ve just won a membership to hell.
   7. Find stuff you can do on your own that makes you happy. You might be spending some quality time with that famous trio, “me, myself and I,” in the beginning. No shame in that game. Scheme up some fabulous activities for yourself, whether it’s getting a pedicure, reading a favorite book or getting into a new TV series.

One more thing. Don’t forget that when you’re the new girl, all the “old” girls (and guys) – meaning the ones who have been languishing at your new school for ages – are excited for fresh blood. Some of them are just curious, but others are hopeful that you might be a new friend. That’s not to say girls aren’t occasionally evil to newcomers, but hopefully my advice will get you around that.

Before you know it, you’re going to be surrounded by new friends. Just do it with caution and class, and you will rock it. Let me know how it goes!!

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