Comments on: The Myth of the BFF: Helping Girls Face the Dark Side of Friendship http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/ Leadership for Life Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:08:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: judaic http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-3547 judaic Thu, 14 Apr 2011 12:14:42 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-3547 The relationship with The One is supposed to be blissful, conflict-free and permanent. As a result, girls wind up with wildly unrealistic expectations about themselves and their relationships. And they blame themselves when reality bites, and the relationships shift or end. The relationship with The One is supposed to be blissful, conflict-free and permanent. As a result, girls wind up with wildly unrealistic expectations about themselves and their relationships. And they blame themselves when reality bites, and the relationships shift or end.

]]> By: partyzzhere http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-3094 partyzzhere Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:35:20 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-3094 Hello iam 13 year cutter how last a friennd in a car acceint it was so bad she laned so far aw from the car that she laned in main Hello iam 13 year cutter how last a friennd in a car acceint it was so bad she laned so far aw from the car that she laned in main

]]> By: kayla http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-3085 kayla Thu, 13 Jan 2011 08:23:46 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-3085 Umm last year I made a best friend this year we donyt talk that much we'll anyway the girl that we both hated is her best friend it seem like she's not the same person I no and it pains me When I read this I was socked I started crying every thing here is what aiam going thoruh thank you soo much who ever wrote this becuase I thout I would never cry about this stuff when I was little but it is heart breakin Umm last year I made a best friend this year we donyt talk that much we’ll anyway the girl that we both hated is her best friend it seem like she’s not the same person I no and it pains me
When I read this I was socked I started crying every thing here is what aiam going thoruh thank you soo much who ever wrote this becuase I thout I would never cry about this stuff when I was little but it is heart breakin

]]> By: deb http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-2547 deb Mon, 15 Nov 2010 15:18:07 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-2547 Hi Corin What I teach my little girl who is nine is this, human beings generally mean well and I am sure all want to get along but this is my rule for my daughter learn to love yourself first, sit back and think I am a good person, do I deliberately go about to hurt people or do I try to be a kind and considerate without letting some one be mean to me. It is so important to stand up for what you believe even if sometimes that does not always go down well with your friends. I have taught me daughter to say you are hurting my feelings and why and sometimes to get angry (not to angry) about the way her friends are treating her. I also let her know her mum loves her and reassure her inside she is a good person and a good friend and if her friends are not treating her the way she would like and continue to do this over a period of time, then it is time for her to open the friendships doors again and find someone with the same values and likeness to her personality. Don't ever allow someone to make you feel so bad, let it go and move on to other people who make you feel loved, important and needed in all different ways. The more you fill you life with these people the better you will feel down deep and remember no one is perfect and sometimes when girlfriends are acting bad something in their life is not going to plan as much as you think. We are on this earth a long time and every time my daughter feels like she has no friends I remind her their is always someone feeling the same way and always some one worse off than she is. I listen to her very carefully and guide her with my own experiences when I was a child and let her know I too felt at times I had no friends and then explain how long it took to find my BFF I was 20 years old when I found mine, and mummy is still looking to find more Bff incase this one moves on to new friends or new things. I have explained to her people change, people leave and sometimes people do not like you and that is okay we just have fun. The ones that do not like you move away from, the ones who make you feel good move close to and your family love them even more. Putting friendships into perspective with her life overall and what are the good things she has usually it makes her feel better and she focuses on what makes her happy and puts in a place of less importance what makes her sad. Hope this helps sincerely a mum who once was a little girl who felt like you at some stage and now knows life is bigger than a BFF with lots to explore and be thankful for. Hi Corin
What I teach my little girl who is nine is this, human beings generally mean well and I am sure all want to get along but this is my rule for my daughter learn to love yourself first, sit back and think I am a good person, do I deliberately go about to hurt people or do I try to be a kind and considerate without letting some one be mean to me. It is so important to stand up for what you believe even if sometimes that does not always go down well with your friends.

I have taught me daughter to say you are hurting my feelings and why and sometimes to get angry (not to angry) about the way her friends are treating her. I also let her know her mum loves her and reassure her inside she is a good person and a good friend and if her friends are not treating her the way she would like and continue to do this over a period of time, then it is time for her to open the friendships doors again and find someone with the same values and likeness to her personality.

Don’t ever allow someone to make you feel so bad, let it go and move on to other people who make you feel loved, important and needed in all different ways. The more you fill you life with these people the better you will feel down deep and remember no one is perfect and sometimes when girlfriends are acting bad something in their life is not going to plan as much as you think.

We are on this earth a long time and every time my daughter feels like she has no friends I remind her their is always someone feeling the same way and always some one worse off than she is. I listen to her very carefully and guide her with my own experiences when I was a child and let her know I too felt at times I had no friends and then explain how long it took to find my BFF I was 20 years old when I found mine, and mummy is still looking to find more Bff incase this one moves on to new friends or new things.

I have explained to her people change, people leave and sometimes people do not like you and that is okay we just have fun. The ones that do not like you move away from, the ones who make you feel good move close to and your family love them even more.

Putting friendships into perspective with her life overall and what are the good things she has usually it makes her feel better and she focuses on what makes her happy and puts in a place of less importance what makes her sad.

Hope this helps sincerely a mum who once was a little girl who felt like you at some stage and now knows life is bigger than a BFF with lots to explore and be thankful for.

]]> By: ellie http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-1386 ellie Wed, 21 Jul 2010 10:40:59 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-1386 I think this is so true- I had one (and only one) friend from kinder until year 7. Then, I made new friends. I thought when my friends ditched me it was the worst thing ever until i realised there are worse things and if they ditch you they aren't really your best friend I think this is so true- I had one (and only one) friend from kinder until year 7. Then, I made new friends. I thought when my friends ditched me it was the worst thing ever until i realised there are worse things and if they ditch you they aren’t really your best friend

]]> By: Shirlane Yannuzzi http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-828 Shirlane Yannuzzi Tue, 20 Apr 2010 01:22:31 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-828 I am still digesting so much of what you said today. I have felt that the reason I did not have friends in school was my own fault. Either I could not be or did not know how to be a friend. But somewhere in there is the idea that it was not really my fault and there is little I could have done to change the situation, EXCEPT to have confronted my so-called friends and honestly expressed myself. Why am I so bad at that? Anyway, thanks for the insight. I am still digesting so much of what you said today. I have felt that the reason I did not have friends in school was my own fault. Either I could not be or did not know how to be a friend. But somewhere in there is the idea that it was not really my fault and there is little I could have done to change the situation, EXCEPT to have confronted my so-called friends and honestly expressed myself. Why am I so bad at that? Anyway, thanks for the insight.

]]> By: Adelaide Dupont http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-349 Adelaide Dupont Fri, 08 Jan 2010 07:43:57 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-349 Well, it doesn't seem like either of the Mums in this account had any perspective. They do love their daughters, yes. Riley seems to be angry at her Mum and yours as well. Riley's Mum seems to have really escalated it by saying, "It was personal." Corin, I do hope you find a friend who you treat right and who treats you right. Well, it doesn’t seem like either of the Mums in this account had any perspective.

They do love their daughters, yes.

Riley seems to be angry at her Mum and yours as well.

Riley’s Mum seems to have really escalated it by saying, “It was personal.”

Corin, I do hope you find a friend who you treat right and who treats you right.

]]> By: corin http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-346 corin Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:08:31 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-346 rachel i have been through so much i met this girl named riley and i mean we just became best friends we were inceprable till seventh grade it all started when she had bought one of those life waters and told me to give it to her on the bus well i thught i had thrown it away then when i told her first she got play mad then she got upset, the next day she had a note saying that she wasnt my friend anymore i was heart broken well we got back toghther again but that was only the start of a bigger problem. Just about three weeks ago riley offered to make me and my friend melissa earings well i told her i could help but she kept saying no so i wore them the rest of the day, then at about eight o clock at night she calls me and says we shouldnt be friends. well my mom was a little shocked so she called her and calmly asked her stuff like do u really want to throw away a friendship over earings, etc...so then her mom called and said it was personal because my mom yelled and made her cry(she didnt yell) so we met with a counselor and we worked it out but rileys mom forbid us to be friends so i was happy. then on a saturday i was going to a party wich riley was also invited to. well when i got there i was shocked she was still treating me the same way like wed never talked. so while i was skating she kept cursing me out so i pushed her she didnt fall os anything. so like 30min later she calls her mom then mine gets a text saying if your daughter touches riley again youll be sorry. and now every chance she gets she attacks me telling me im a loser who has no friends calls me a retard because i write about what happened in my . i mean people tell me just get over it but she was the the first person i ever really trusted she got me outta my shell she was like a sister i never had and always wish i had. Now im so angry and its affecting me at home its because i did everything with her we took her camping she practicly lived at my house and i gave so much to her mentaly and for her to just take that is just hurting me i mean i have other friends but im not as close as i was with riley and i want someone to fill the whole i want a bond with another girl but i know all the girls in my school i really want another bffl who will treat me right. Help me please rachel i am so confused. -corin rachel i have been through so much i met this girl named riley and i mean we just became best friends we were inceprable till seventh grade it all started when she had bought one of those life waters and told me to give it to her on the bus well i thught i had thrown it away then when i told her first she got play mad then she got upset, the next day she had a note saying that she wasnt my friend anymore i was heart broken well we got back toghther again but that was only the start of a bigger problem. Just about three weeks ago riley offered to make me and my friend melissa earings well i told her i could help but she kept saying no so i wore them the rest of the day, then at about eight o clock at night she calls me and says we shouldnt be friends. well my mom was a little shocked so she called her and calmly asked her stuff like do u really want to throw away a friendship over earings, etc…so then her mom called and said it was personal because my mom yelled and made her cry(she didnt yell) so we met with a counselor and we worked it out but rileys mom forbid us to be friends so i was happy. then on a saturday i was going to a party wich riley was also invited to. well when i got there i was shocked she was still treating me the same way like wed never talked. so while i was skating she kept cursing me out so i pushed her she didnt fall os anything. so like 30min later she calls her mom then mine gets a text saying if your daughter touches riley again youll be sorry. and now every chance she gets she attacks me telling me im a loser who has no friends calls me a retard because i write about what happened in my . i mean people tell me just get over it but she was the the first person i ever really trusted she got me outta my shell she was like a sister i never had and always wish i had. Now im so angry and its affecting me at home its because i did everything with her we took her camping she practicly lived at my house and i gave so much to her mentaly and for her to just take that is just hurting me i mean i have other friends but im not as close as i was with riley and i want someone to fill the whole i want a bond with another girl but i know all the girls in my school i really want another bffl who will treat me right. Help me please rachel i am so confused. -corin

]]> By: Rachel Simmons http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-343 Rachel Simmons Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:15:32 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-343 Isn't it liberating to stop blaming yourself for some of those friend divorces? :) Thanks for writing! Isn’t it liberating to stop blaming yourself for some of those friend divorces? :) Thanks for writing!

]]> By: Ange Story http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/01/the-myth-of-the-bff-helping-girls-face-the-dark-side-of-friendship/comment-page-1/#comment-342 Ange Story Wed, 06 Jan 2010 22:45:44 +0000 http://www.rachelsimmons.com/?p=2136#comment-342 I feel like I can relate to this so much. Growing up, I always felt devastated when my friendships with other girls were ruined, or I felt pushed to the side in favor of more popular girls. Reading this article makes me realize how strange and unrealistic my ideals of friendship when I was younger (and even now, really) were. I feel like I can relate to this so much. Growing up, I always felt devastated when my friendships with other girls were ruined, or I felt pushed to the side in favor of more popular girls. Reading this article makes me realize how strange and unrealistic my ideals of friendship when I was younger (and even now, really) were.

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