In Defense of Miley: She is Me
Miley Cyrus has, of late, represented something ominous to adults, a developmental storm brewing on the horizon. Her passage through puberty has been blowing up the blogosphere and, on the ground, is just plain making people uncomfortable. She’s suddenly a celebrity to monitor carefully, gone from G to PG-13 in the blink of an eye.
I was about to join the fray of outrage when I started tweeting with 15 year old S., who saw me speak at her school in the southwest a couple of years ago. She was annoyed about the grown-up freak out, she told me, because (she later wrote me on Facebook), “The media picks out every little mistake [Miley] makes. She’s a teenage girl, and nobody’s perfect. She’s going to make mistakes, just like other teenagers, especially girls, and they make it seem worse and even bigger than it actually is, which obviously makes it worse for her.”
Which got me thinking: What Miley’s facing as a celebrity echoes the intense Good Girl pressure girls face every day. S. was defending Miley, in a way, on behalf of herself. “As a teenaged girl, I feel like I’m somewhat in the same position as Miley because high school is crazy,” she wrote.
“We’re all judged for our looks, our actions, our origins, basically everything, as is she. She does one little thing and half the world is turned against her. I think that’s why a lot of girls, including me, look up to her, because she doesn’t succumb to depression or angriness or anything whenever she is talked about. She handles it well.”
The worthy impulse girls like S. feel to defend Miley is an unexpected gift for adults. Rather than look at Miley as a threat to girls, let’s consider the amazing conversation starters she’s offering us:
- Everyone makes mistakes – even Miley. When the world pounces on Miley for a single misstep, it reinforces the all-or-nothing pressure girls face in their everyday lives. Ask girls what they think about how the world has judged Miley. Is it fair? Is it normal for girls to feel – or be made to feel – that one mistake ruins everything? If you agree that there’s an all-or-nothing mentality at work here, use Miley’s situation as a way to talk with your daughter about her own experience. Does she feel this kind of pressure to perform? How does it influence her approach to school and extracurricular activities? Make this an opportunity to talk about how to deal with and think about mistakes differently.
- Teen girls face a lot of judgment from other girls – Message boards are filled with Miley bashing from other girls who are in love with Miley’s ex, Nick Jonas. S. told me that they “bash her relentlessly. ‘She’s fat!’ ‘SLUT!’ ‘She’s only where she is today because of her dad!’” Some questions you can ask a girl: Why are other girls so hard on Miley? Is this similar or different from what you see at school? Is it hard for girls to support other girls? Why? If girls call Miley fat, how does that make other girls feel?
- Defending Miley is a way of standing up for a girl who is being hurt. S. wrote, “She’s 16 years old – she’s obviously going to read some message boards and comments and stuff people write about her. I defend her whatever chance I get because I realize that she doesn’t have the ability to stand up for herself without being bashed even more…”. Ask girls if they feel inspired to defend Miley. Is Miley a victim of bullying? Who is doing the bullying here? Why are you standing up for her? How does Miley handle it?
Miley’s behavior may make us uncomfortable, but let’s not throw the baby celeb out with the bathwater. Uniform groaning about Miley may end up reinforcing the Curse of the Good Girl. It also disqualifies us from a terrific conversation starter with girls. Don’t lose sight of this opportunity.
Cher, the Caster Semenya comparison is so apt. Thanks for making that connection.
Jewel: Aha! I get it! Clever you are. Thanks for this. Very helpful. And maybe Twitter is the closest we get to real (assuming the celebs are really tweeting themselves) Miley. Thanks again – I am so loving my website and being able to talk about this stuff with people like you.
I agree, Rachel, standard, it is! That’s the point! She’s just like all the rest! No signs of a perceived “outrage” there! Maybe others will check her out, too. I bet if we all were able to get to know her, we would probably like her! Yes, she does have ATTITUDE on her show, but hey — she’s an actress, right? That’s her job! Perhaps she has been given a bad rap!
Hey Jewel, I’m checking Miley out on Twitter. Seems pretty standard. What am I missing here?
If you tweet, go find Miley, then come back and tell us what you think of her.
I think it is a great idea to look at how this criticism affects Miley. I can’t imagine the pressure she feels to stay current, beautiful and likeable. All while going through her teens — that is a tall order. My own daughter has not been exposed to her for one reason — Miley’s path is so predictable. For those that watched Britney unfold, it feels like de ja vu. My little girl listens to Alicia Keys and Jordan Sparks — two very solid, grounded, beautiful, smart, talented ladies.
Miley is certainly allowed to make mistakes, albeit unfortunate she has to do so in the public eye. But deliberate disrespect to the little girls and families who have allowed her fake “wholesome” image into their homes, all to have her grinding on a stripper pole at an event for teenagers? I think that goes beyond a normal “growing pain”. I’m not a big fan of duplicity.
In my opinion Miley knows exactly what she is doing. I have a hard time seeing her as a vicitm. She is a young woman who quite unfortunately was allowed to grow up way too fast.
I hope Miley finds a strong and confident woman she can use as a mentor to redirect her actions, intentions, and career. You can have all the talent in the world, but if you parade yourself around like a tramp you immediately lose your authenticity. I think deep down she knows she is more than that.
Just as I hope Miley’s critics show her a bit more respect, I hope that Miley finds respect for herself. There are so many young girls and teens that look up to her, it would be refreshing if she took the less traveled high road.
Good post here…I’m also so curious about the wave of modern media to delight in “taking down” powerful girls through public criticism and doubt (see Caster Semenya’s current story or any “reality” show that pits females against each other) – and how girls internalize this. Like or dislike her as a figure, kudos to Miley for so publicly navigating an intense time of identity-forming and change with grace.
Hmmmm….my “authentic” daughter’s response to this blog was, “I still hate her!” Her parents let her date a 21 year old when she was only 16! Don’t know about the facts, but even if this is true, it may, or may not have been the parents’ mistake — not their daughter’s. Parents are allowed mistakes, too!
It’s all so true. I love this.
I’m just days of being 18 and even I look up to Miley. She is amazing, and what you point out is just even more reason to look up too her. She doesn’t let the haters stop her from following her dream and she continues to live her life.
She has experienced alot more bullying and bashings than alot of people will ever experience in their whole life, it comes with the territory of being famous, but she handles it all so well.
I’m a Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana fan and i am damn proud to call myself that!
I love her, she has taught me to Dream, Believe and most importantly too LOVE! <3
Thanks for these comments – I have been getting great feedback from girls about this!
Great post. Always good to turn our minds to thinking about things from a different perspective. Some of Miley’s actions concern me but at the same time we must think about how all this criticism affects her as well. I hope she can try to get the best guidance and advice she can moving forward as I am sure this will make all the difference to her.
Great things to think about! I’m passing this on to my daughter!